If I had to choose my favorite season, I definitely would take the Rory Gilmore outlook and say fall. Growing up, I used to think summer was the best, mostly because I didn’t have school. Now that I’m a bit older, I’ve truly fallen in love with this time of year. Cuddling up with a book, early nights in because the sun goes down earlier, and fall activities truly make this season special. This year has gone by fast, and as summer falls into the claws of autumn, I’ve also slowly been falling in love.
As a book lover, I had an unrealistic viewpoint of real-life relationships. I have dated before. I had the classic high school boyfriend, then a long-distance college relationship, and finally a toxic situationship. Long story short, they didn’t work out. In my case, the only way for me to get over it was to pretend like he was dead, write some letters I would never send, cry, and ultimately listen to Hozier’s Cover of “Do I Wanna Know?” too many times. Eventually, though, what is most important is to know that you will get over it. No matter if it takes a few days, weeks, months, or years, it will eventually happen. You will feel like a whole person, no longer their person.Â
One day, I woke up and no longer loved him; instead, I felt indifferent. The next step for me was time. It’s time to learn who I have become over the past two years, away from the person I became reliant on to tell me who I am. I learned my dislikes, my likes, and most importantly, what I had loved. Like many girls, I realized I was a Twilight-obsessed, book-loving, and had a strong desire to learn. I wanted to have a relationship again, obviously, but I was scared of the cost. I had time for my friends, the gym, eating right, and doing literally anything I wanted on my own schedule. I had the freedom that I never had with my first love. I was afraid. When I first started dating, I set rules about how it was going to work, but that’s not how love works. Soon, I came to realize that those rules were unnecessary with the right person. Many people say it will happen when you never expect it, and it’s true.Â
“I love him so much. I love him more than I did yesterday, and I already know tomorrow I’ll love him even more, because every piece of him gives me another to fall in love with.”
Excerpt from People We Meet On Vacation by Emily Henry.
Now, what guy could make me fall so hard that I am quoting an Emily Henry book? The type of guy who gives me hugs on bad days, never fails to make me laugh, and most of all, never makes me cry. After the first date, I knew something was different. New trick: five days after meeting, invite him to your birthday party to meet/be adjudicated by your best friends. I made the mistake of having my first boyfriend be someone that all of my friends said wasn’t healthy for me, and I wanted to do better. I didn’t need their approval, per se, but to see him from a perspective I might’ve been blinded from. And let’s say he passed with flying colors.Â
Falling in love for the second time is weird, but the good type of weird. It is scarier than the first because this time around, you’re no longer going in blind. I am writing this in an attempt to give others hope. For most of my life, I have tried to live by the poem “Hope Is The Thing With Feathers” by Emily Dickinson. As a political science and English double major, I need to have some hope for the world and in something greater than myself, yet I have never applied this to my love life. After seeing trends on TikTok like the “I Hate My Girlfriend” or “I Hate My Boyfriend” trend, I had given up on the hope of finding a good guy, but trust me, they are out there.Â
This second time around, by knowing what I want, where my boundaries lie, and most of all who I am, I have been able to attract what I see as a fantastic guy. He makes me laugh, but even more so, he respects me for who I am. I wrote this for the girl who was letting go of hope for something better, who truly believed she could be alone forever. I’m writing this for the girls who have just gotten their hearts broken for the first time, who don’t know where to look. I never believed it when others had said it, but I know that you are going to be okay.Â
As a Gilmore Girls, Twilight, and The Vampire Diaries enthusiast, naturally, fall is my favorite season. From the falling of the leaves (we don’t get much of it in Florida) and the autumn candles, I’ve fallen in love with this time of year. This fall is the first fall where I’m also falling in love, and it’s extraordinary. If I wanted to be nonchalant and try to keep up with the trends we see online, I would say it’s easy to romanticize my relationship because of the falling leaves, but that’s not true. The guy is the one who has made all the difference. I have fallen in love not with what I imagine in a guy, but rather with who he is and who I am.