Being bisexual is a curse.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my sexuality and am comfortable in my own skin. That’s why I don’t talk about it much, because while yes, it’s a part of who I am, it’s not my entire personality.
However, there are still times where I want to scream into the void because of how I feel. Once you are out as bi, the way people treat you when they know is so infuriating, and makes me want to either yank at my hair or rip out the knowledge they now hold.
Straight girls tell you not to have feelings for them. Then get mad at you when you tell them you don’t.
Straight guys want you to kiss, or do more with, another girl because it’s “hot”. And again they get mad when you tell them no.
You’re too straight for the gay girls you take interest in. They either think you’re lying, or it’s just an ick to them.
And then the few girls you think things could work out with, you get too scared to approach and talk to. Or you become too close of friends, so you lose the feelings, or push them down because it’s not worth the possibility of ruining a friendship over.
At least in my case that’s how it is.
And let’s not forget the adults in your life who hear about it and tell you it’s “just a phase” and that “you’ll choose a side eventually”. No Karen, it’s not just a phase, I’ve made my decision even though it wasn’t a decision in the first place. It’s just how you feel, there’s no controlling it. I knew that it could be either one that I could fall for, long before anyone really found out I was bi.
I never even came out in the first; I didn’t want it to be a big spectacle. That’s not who I am and never have been. It’s not anyone else’s business in the first place either. If people knew then they knew and I didn’t care.
There will always be the men who fetishize it, and women who run from it. I can only wish they didn’t.
I can’t control other people’s thoughts, opinions and actions. I mean I’m a control freak, so I definitely wish I could. But sadly… no can do.
Instead I just keep going, trying to ignore them and navigate my feelings in this dark world of love.