Growing up, I always struggled to accept change in my life. I saw the idea of big transitions as daunting and tended to avoid confronting them. I think the harshest transition for me was moving away and settling into college. I had spent most of my high school years worrying about college: what if I got rejected from my top colleges? Would I find my people in college? Would I be able to live away from my family? What if I don’t get along with my roommate? I ruminated over these thoughts constantly.
On the other hand, I’ve always loved fall. I find comfort in the orange, red, and brown hues scattered here and there, whether it’s leaves, pumpkin patches, Thanksgiving feasts, or pumpkin spice lattes. I associate fall with cozy sweaters, small cafes, and haunted houses.
Fall reflects change. We transition from scorching hot weather, vacations, and beach days to the sudden changes of color in leaves, cool weather, and the start of school. I see fall as a period for reflection and transformation. It may be a stark change from the freedom associated with summer, but through gaining new experiences, we transition into improved versions of ourselves. As a result, we learn more about ourselves and the world around us as we embark on a new journey.Â
Fall has brought many new transitions into my life, helping me become comfortable with change. It has allowed me to find comfort in accepting change, enabling me to fully transform without constant worries and hesitations.Â
In the fall of my senior year of high school, I hit the peak of my stress and anxiety. I hadn’t fully come to terms with the fact that I would be applying to colleges and attending one in only a year. Since I spent so much time avoiding preparing for college, it hit me like a brick once my senior year started. I hadn’t put much thought into where I wanted to apply and what my college essay would be about, and I left it all to the last minute. I quickly became very stressed making these decisions while also working four days a week and managing all of my schoolwork. I went through a period of complete transformation between summer and fall. I spent my entire summer without worry, avoiding thinking about college entirely, and during fall, I had to finally face my fears and prepare myself for college.Â
After submitting applications to colleges, I went through a lengthy process of deciding where I actually wanted to attend. I had set high expectations for myself, but quickly learned that most of the universities I wished to attend were too expensive. I had a difficult time coming to terms with this, as many people I knew could afford to attend prestigious colleges, and I compared myself to them as my classmates began to commit to selective universities.
After I committed to UMass Amherst, I spent the next few months in denial that I would actually be attending college the next fall. I worried that I wouldn’t make any friends, that my roommate wouldn’t like me, and that I wouldn’t enjoy college life. Once I finally arrived at college, the transition hit me hard. I completely broke down the first night after moving in. I’d never felt so isolated in my life. I called my mom for two hours while alone in my dorm, worrying that I would feel this way for the rest of college.
However, throughout the next few days, I met new people that I enjoyed being around, and all of the past 19 years of my worries and fears for college diminished. To my surprise, I quickly began to really enjoy college. That fall, I went through hard changes, experienced many different emotions, and learned a lot about myself.
I finally learned to accept change. Although the transition to college was extremely difficult for me at first, I’m now grateful that I experienced it. I definitely wouldn’t be the person I am today if I didn’t. I’ve altered my view on change and now see it as a medium for self-reflection and transformation. Just like leaves change color in the fall, I changed my entire perspective on college simply by facing the harsh transition that I’d worried about for years, discovering beauty in transformation. During that fall, I reflected on my past: how I was too scared to try new things and too anxious to put myself out there, reshaping my thoughts and feelings as I grew more confident and calm.
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