As girls, we have an instinct to always take care of the people close to us— like a premature maternal instinct— or more like a “bestie instinct”. This bestie instinct is such a gift between girl friendships; however, sometimes we may go overboard by trying to be a “relationship referee” and not realize we’re actually just hypocritical. The positive is that our bestie instinct shows how much we really care for each other. We don’t stand for any disrespect coming from boys, girls, or whoever fails to see our worth. We see our friends for everything they are, and that’s also what allows us to know each other beyond just the surface.
Still, some people come into our lives and only see us for one thing. Maybe someone sees you as a study buddy in class, or as nothing more than a hookup. When someone can’t see you for all you are, that’s when the disrespect comes in— and that’s when we besties step in to save the day and clock a friend when they’re being delusional. But, for some funny reason, all that logic seems to fly out the window when it comes to our own love lives.
Think about it: we’re always looking out for our friends’ best interests, but as soon as someone comes into our lives giving us just the right attention (even if it’s not actually the right attention), we lose all sense of our standards. Now, why do we do this? Is it to follow the “ignorance is bliss” motto, or is it just straight-up hypocrisy? It’s not that simple, but it may be a mix of both (we girls are not the simplest to understand). We always want to romanticize our relationships, and that may lead us to turn a blind eye to the truth.
This double standard— calling out our friends but excusing ourselves— is sparked by many things, one of the biggest factors being emotions. Emotion can cloud judgment in a split second; meanwhile, outsiders can see situations more logically. This is the exact reason we’ll be the first ones to tell our friends not to get too involved with someone, but then we’ll throw ourselves into relationships way too fast if our friend is not there to give the same advice. It’s so much easier to give advice to our friends than to follow it ourselves, and we all know that.
Nowadays, it’s also more difficult to realize we’re wasting our time, and this has a lot to do with social media. Social media phrases like “delulu is the solulu” have almost normalized us letting ourselves be trampled in relationships because of delusion. However, it is clear that delusion is not the solution.
At the end of the day, it just comes down to holding ourselves to the same standards we hold our friends. Delusions might be glorified online, but in real relationships, honesty is required from ourselves and our besties. So, flip the script: instead of only protecting your friend when you see her cuddled up with some mediocre guy (as in the one who only texts back when it’s convenient, puts in the bare minimum, etc.), do the same for yourself. If we don’t, we risk settling for less than we deserve.