Content Warning: This article discusses mental health and disability.
College is constantly being pinned as the ultimate experience to make friends for life, pick up new hobbies, and make discoveries. It’s supposed to be a time to ‘put yourself out there,’ meet a bunch of new people, and be the ‘best version of yourself’.
But what if all these expectations just…felt wrong?
Some of you might be thriving, and I applaud that! But you might also feel alone, even if you’ve been in college for multiple years. Colleges love to put a bandage on the burnout by saying ‘You’re just not looking hard enough!’ or ‘Join more clubs!’
Let’s challenge this narrative right now: loneliness is completely normal. Even someone who’s in multiple clubs, a variety of classes, and goes to tons of parties or events can still feel alone. That’s a totally valid feeling.
I’m a girl in college now— managing deadlines, socializing, growing up— with a few extra challenges. I’m neurodivergent, dealing with things like autism and OCD, and I experience having multiple identities or personalities. This means I have different parts of myself that show up, like my boy alter, Louie, who’s very much like a brother to me.
It can be a lot to handle— but it just means my brain processes the world a little differently than most.
Recently, I was in a therapy session with the school’s counseling services. I was feeling pretty lonely and unaccepted, so I went in looking for unconditional support– but unfortunately, that’s not what I got.
Because of my many conditions, the therapist insisted I needed a host of different treatments in order to ‘fix myself’ enough to fit in.
Don’t get me wrong– the right treatments can work wonders for someone dealing with mental illness, or even just feeling lonely. I’ve been in therapy since I was a freshman in high school, and I’ve been on countless different medications over the years.
It’s helped a lot, for certain. But no treatment, no medication, no simple platitude– can replace the absolute wonders of unconditional acceptance.
The counselor told me I wasn’t trying hard enough to join more clubs or make more friends– that if I wanted to feel accepted, I needed to mask my struggles for the world.
I’m in many clubs (like Her Campus!) and I’m always trying my best to be a good friend towards others, despite the challenges I face. There’s always room for improvement, but to say ‘I’m not trying hard enough’ is just untrue.
I tried my best to take the counselor’s advice, but by the end of the session, I couldn’t take any more. I sat there, tears streaming, telling her that I was trying my absolute hardest. But more importantly, I told her I didn’t want to be fixed.
I didn’t want OCD or autism or Louie to be viewed as a flaw that needed to be hidden from the world. I wanted that therapy office to be one place where I didn’t have to work so hard to feel accepted just for being myself.
I wanted to be Willow, with no filter.
The world tries to fit us into neat little categories just so we can be considered ‘successful.’ To my sisters who are different: the unique way your mind works is what makes you beautiful. It is you. You are whole, just the way you are.
People with disabilities do not want to get rid of what makes them different; they want the world to accept them for being different.
So here’s some advice for anyone wanting to be there for a friend who’s struggling: The counselors are there to do their job, yes, but don’t forget that being kind, loving, and accepting without conditions is just as important.
And to anyone who is struggling themself: you don’t need to erase a part of yourself to be accepted. Your worth is inherent, not something to be earned by fitting into a mold that just doesn’t fit.