Another fall semester has started, which means for the third year in a row, I’ll be approximately 200 miles away from my boyfriend. While I look forward to reuniting with friends, every August I dread the inevitable: my relationship trickling down to late Facetime calls and once-a-month weekend visits.
Choosing to stay in my high school relationship while starting college felt like the obvious choice to me, but it’s apparently a bizarre concept to others. During the weeks leading up to my freshman year, I was asked more times than I could count if I planned to break up with my boyfriend so I could have a “real” college experience—whatever that means. But breaking up wasn’t in our best interest. Whether you’re just starting your freshman year in a long-distance relationship or you’re an upperclassman who recently found yourself in one and feeling the same way, here’s some advice from a seasoned long-distance princess on how to achieve your happily ever after.
- Communicate (for real)
Once upon a time, a princess declared war upon reading her long-distance lover’s message, only to realize too late that she had misread his tone.
Yes, communication is key in any relationship, but it is especially important in a long-distance relationship, where you spend more time talking on the phone than physically being together. As a result, misunderstandings and frustrations are bound to arise.
Trust me, nothing is more frustrating than starting an unwarranted fight over misreading your partner’s tone in a text message or accidentally missing a scheduled phone call when you’re miles apart, which is why open communication is a must.
Both of you should share your expectations, boundaries, wants, and needs before starting a long-distance relationship, because neither of you is a mind reader. That said, be reasonable—you won’t be able to text all day, and their roommate might not want to hear them calling you every night. What’s important is that you set these expectations and work through these challenges now, as overcoming them will prepare you to handle conflicts later in your relationship. When difficult conversations arise, try to have them in person or over the phone to minimize misunderstandings. And when you find yourself in the wrong, a quick, reassuring message takes ten seconds, if that, and does more for building trust than you’d think.
Ultimately, the reality is that you’re going to go through hard times like every other couple, except you’ll be states apart. The main takeaway should be that the more you communicate, the better you’ll understand each other, and the less paranoia—which inevitably leads to fights—you’ll have to deal with.
- Keep things in perspective (without overthinking)
Once upon a time, a princess stressed over her faraway prince so much that she nearly forgot the future kingdom they planned to build together.
If your relationship is causing you more stress than joy, then it’s time to reflect on why you are holding onto it. That doesn’t mean you won’t have rough weeks—every couple does—but ultimately, a relationship is supposed to add happiness, not provide constant stress. Keep in mind that you’re in the relationship for a reason: you see a future with them. Is dealing with persistent stress and sadness how you want your future to look?
With that said, being in a fulfilling long-distance relationship is attainable. For lack of better terms, it is poetic to choose to love someone who is so far away every day. When you find yourself questioning or having doubts, remember that the distance is only temporary and that you will eventually be together again. You’ll take pride in the fact that your relationship was strong enough to conquer the distance.
- Trust each other (and keep hope)
Once upon a time, in a far-off land, a prince fell asleep studying for biochemistry before calling his long-distance princess for their nightly FaceTime call—and she spiraled.
There will be times in your relationship when, inevitably, one of you will fall asleep after cramming for an exam, getting lost in conversation with your friends, or simply from exhaustion. Before you know it, you’ve gone a whole day without talking. Being on the other end of this scenario sucks, but it’s important to keep trust in your partner, which is funny coming from an overthinker.
Like communication, trust is harder to maintain in a relationship where you know little to nothing about the other person’s actions. Regardless, you have to believe that your partner is being faithful and honest with you. During these times of overthinking, you should ask yourself: Does cheating align with their values and the promises they made? Would your partner really jeopardize your relationship? If the answer is no, then trust your instincts, remain calm, and express your concerns in a respectful and nonaccusatory manner. How they respond will tell you more about their actions than your anxious mind ever will.
- Don’t compare your relationships to others (for the love of god)
Once upon a time, a princess spent all her time envying the other couples in the village square, nearly losing sight of what made her and her prince a royal couple to begin with.
Long-distance relationships are a unique experience that presents additional challenges not faced by other couples. The last thing you’ll want to do is compare your relationship with a close-proximity relationship—they’re simply too different. Instead, you should take pride in having something they don’t: a love that stretches miles.
One day, the distance will close, and you’ll be able to relive the initial stages of dating all over again. Unlike other couples who have gone on countless dates and spent so much time together that it has become a predictable routine, you’ll be able to reignite the spark and experience all of those things for the first time together again. That is something you should look forward to.
- Embrace your independence (while you have it!)
Once upon a time, a princess sat distraught in her lonely tower, only to realize she had a whole kingdom to explore.
It can be really challenging not to have your partner with you at college—especially when surrounded by other couples—leaving you feeling alone. Navigating this loneliness, combined with homesickness, was one of the biggest hurdles I faced during my first year of college. But it’s best to keep in mind that a significant part of college is embracing your next steps in adulthood, and learning to be more independent is the first crucial leap you must take.
While it seems intimidating at first, it becomes a natural part of your life and leads to a more fulfilling college experience. Becoming independent encourages you to explore your own interests outside of your family and partner, build friendships, and discover new passions and what makes you, well, you! When your partner is back by your side, you’ll be more confident and prepared for the life you’ll have together.
So, whether you’ve been navigating a long-distance relationship for three years like me or just three months, I hope these tips help you find clarity and guide you toward your fairytale ending.