This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at JMU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.
College is a strange developmental period in life. There are people with tattoos, without a driver’s license, children, wives, husbands, no bank account, or a full-time job. Everyone is different – that is not a flaw, it’s part of the experience. If you are looking this article up, then you probably feel like you are not grown up enough or that you have no identity outside of your obligations. This advice should help in both situations.
- Do something you have always wanted to, and don’t be scared to fail
-
The fear of failure will hold you back from being the person you want to be. You have to start somewhere. Trying something just because you love it is how you become a person who has hobbies and is passionate about them. So, bake those cookies or lift 5-pound weights and be excited doing it. Shame is a natural feeling, but it is just your ego talking. My favorite thing to do is to give your shame a name. Chris is the name of my shame. Why would I listen to a guy named Chris? So go and dance, audition for the play, try out for a sport, or paint everything you desire. Don’t let Chris stop you from doing that.
- Find people who make you feel loved and safe
-
You don’t need to have the same hobbies, beliefs, or ideals as your friends, but the dealbreaker is if you feel unloved and unsafe with them. I have been friends with people who love and do all sorts of different things, but the one thing in common with the friends that stuck was that they loved. Feeling unwanted and unloved damages your self-esteem and will take a toll on your mental health.
Actually finding these people is a bit harder, but not impossible. When you are meeting people at clubs, school events, or through classes, pay attention to how you feel around them. Do you feel like you are acting most like yourself? Are you hiding things because you feel judged? Nurture the relationships with people who care about you, and care about them as well.
- Stop faking who you are, because you will attract the wrong people.
-
It can seem tempting to try and mold yourself into the person who you think is most likable. The person who is charismatic, always happy, and overall “normal.” This will only make you feel worse about yourself and attract people who agree with your negative assessment of yourself. Be your cringe self and attract the friends who will build you up and love you for it. This might take some trial and error to find out the things you like the most, but if you keep trying, you will develop new skills and deep passions. Furthermore, surrounding yourself with people who make you feel ashamed of yourself will only hurt you. Years down the line, you will look around and see that none of your friends truly know or care about you.
You are not alone in the confusion of who you are. For years, you have been told who you are: smart or dumb, cool or weird. Now you get to build who you truly are.