No one talks about the challenging truth of long-term friendships that change when you go to college. I’m talking about friends that you have had since 6th grade. Your true day-ones. Reality is that change is normal. People’s priorities start to change. Whether it’s school, a job, or relationships in their personal life, sometimes people get wrapped up in their own world. But that does not mean that your friendship isn’t valuable or real.Â
Apart from accepting that change is natural, it is important to understand that friendships go both ways. I understand that distance makes it harder to keep in contact with friends and family back home, but the phone works both ways. Friendships require effort. Whether it is calling once a month or texting every other day. Putting your “new” life aside to maintain these friends that have been there with you for everything is important. Even small things such as sending a flashback memory or a TikTok that reminds you of them – these small efforts are a sign that you are still thinking about your friendship with this person.Â
But what if you’re the only one making the effort? Then that is an issue… This is when you have to ask yourself, “Is this friendship important to me?” If your answer is yes, I think the best way to address this is by reaching out. Being straight up is NOT a bad thing. It is okay to put your ego aside. You are allowed to ask them why things have changed. After all, if they’re really your friend, they should be able to give you an honest answer. And sometimes, it is nothing personal. Maybe they’re going through something and just need space and time from everyone.Â
For example, one of my best friends of 9 years last year was going through some personal issues, and I saw that we weren’t doing our monthly check in how we usually do. After a couple weeks I decided to reach out. My human reaction was to assume it had to do with our friendship and that’s why we weren’t talking as much. On the contrary, she had told me what was going on in her life and how she truly just needed time and space from everyone and everything. She apologized for being distant, and I apologized for not reaching out sooner. And just like that we were back to normal.
So my biggest takeaway is, friendships are going to change. Change is inevitable. It is up to you if those friendships are worth fighting for. So if you notice a change with one of your friends, don’t freak out, reach out! It will all be okay in the end.