I am undergoing a big change in my life. I lost a person who meant a lot to me, and I have been having a difficult time managing new emotions that I never thought I’d have to feel. The last few weeks have been filled with devastation, unanswered questions, and so much hurt.
While I’ve been untangling all the feelings and thoughts in my mind, I have had very little emotional energy to think about anything remotely positive. My brain is completely consumed. It has been an unfortunate, constant cycle that I’ve been unable to break out of.
Today was different. I woke up this morning and didn’t immediately feel my body fill with anxiety. I didn’t lay in bed for an hour after I woke up, staring at the ceiling. I woke up, got out of bed, and started my day like I used to, before any of this happened. I took a shower and didn’t cry, I put on an outfit and liked the way it looked, I was happy.
My first class was at 10, and as I was walking, I felt the cool air and the sun hitting my face. I looked around at the changing leaves in the trees and the array of colors on the mountains. For the first time in weeks, I am feeling gratitude. I felt an overwhelming sense of joy and gratefulness. It was intoxicating. I walked into my class, and I enjoyed the lecture. I wasn’t antsy and anxious, like usual. I found genuine interest in what I was learning.
My second class was just as fulfilling. I couldn’t help but think about how lucky I was to be able to pursue a higher education after high school. I don’t just have to go to class. I get to go to class. I began to think about how I can walk, talk, sing, dance, and interact with other people. I am so lucky to be able to experience the things that make me human.
I’ve been using that mindset all day. ‘Have to’ versus ‘get to’ is something I have heard people say before, but I had never put it into practice. Because of that mindset, I have had my first good day in what feels like forever. Truly, this life has been so kind to me, and I can think of a million things that I feel grateful for right now. That’s a lot more than I could have said yesterday.
I want to challenge you to do the same. Take just a few moments and think about some of the things that you are grateful for in your life. Allow yourself to feel complete gratitude for the things you have, and positive emotions will come to you. I plan to continue to practice gratitude, and I have hope that it will change my life in so many ways.