For most of my life, I worried about being “behind” compared to other people. I believed I needed to achieve a certain amount by a specific point in my life, or I would be considered a failure, so I committed to things religiously, even if I no longer wanted to.
Coming into college, I thought I would become an animator. It was something I’d dedicated myself to for so long that stopping for any reason would have felt like a betrayal. In my mind, I had my whole life and career planned out, but once my classes started, that fantasy was immediately shattered by reality.
Not only was I stressed by the steep learning curve and fast pace of my classes, but I was also surrounded by people I viewed as more talented than me. Some had already won awards for their work or achieved notable industry success. I still remember the feeling of looking at my art next to theirs during critique sessions and thinking I was never going to catch up. The constant anxiety and doubt caused me to feel disillusioned toward something I always loved. I wasn’t sure I actually wanted a career in animation anymore, but I dreaded the thought of quitting and having to start a new path, something I felt would put me further behind my peers.
After slogging through my freshman year, I questioned why I felt so behind in life. It came back to that plan I envisioned of how my life would go. Trying to stick to rigid, self-imposed expectations had turned my love for creating into a chore. I realized I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone, including myself, and I should spend my time doing what I wanted to do instead of punishing myself with needless pressure.
I started my sophomore year with this new perspective, and immediately things began to change. I discovered my interest in graphic design and eventually switched my course studies to pursue it. While the learning curve was just as difficult, the work I was doing boosted my creativity instead of draining it, which made every project feel rewarding. My personal life moved forward as well. I wrote my first script, which was adapted into a play. I worked on short films, became a published writer, and even won an award. Most importantly, I pushed myself to have fun making art again. As I did, my perfectionism disappeared, replaced by the passion I thought I lost.
Transitioning from animation to graphic design wasn’t easy, nor was anything else I did that year, but it’s a period of my life I’m glad I experienced. Changing your course in life isn’t betrayal or a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of growth and discovering who you are. That’s what I needed to learn. If you feel unsatisfied with what you’re doing, it’s never too late to pivot and try something new. Remember: you’re not behind, you just aren’t done growing yet.