There have been moments I tried to convince myself that I was living my truth. I mirrored my peers to feel a part of something. I imitated my environment because it felt comfortable to belong. There was a sense of safety in the production of it all: a so-called “sisterhood,” bounded by empty promises and unrealistic expectations. The moment it became too hard to keep up, was the moment I realized I had entered the wrong race to begin with.
Coming to terms with the fact that you aren’t who you thought you were is a very grounding realization. You thought you were exactly where you belonged when you slapped on plastic shiny smiles for the camera, arm-in-arm with girls you knew nothing about besides the bikini photos displayed on their Instagram. Their cultivation of followers led you to believe that exteriors were the most important indicator of identity. You were quick to judge others if they couldn’t align with this new energy you came to exude, and you subconsciously masked everything real: humanistic qualities, resistance, pain, vulnerability and fear. You shoved it all down in the deepest parts of you for as long as you could remember, avoiding judgement from not only others but especially from yourself.
However, this inner judgement and vulnerability is authentic. Authenticity is real. Sooner or later, you come to realize that chasing material goods to “fit in,” forcing superficial interactions, and putting pressure on yourself to look, act, and dress just like other people simply masks the most beautiful, imperfect, wildly free and unforgiving you that deserves to be fought for.
Embracing your authentic you means letting yourself feel all the hard things and not being afraid to show the world you’re feeling them. It means recognizing that perhaps an environment you chose wasn’t right for you. It means accepting that not everyone is going to like you, because not everyone shares the same values, lifestyles, or passions and that is okay. Some things never change; some things do.
Authenticity means knowing who you are without shiny titles or affiliations. Taking the time to truly know people before jumping to conclusions. Giving yourself and others grace because we’re all fighting inner battles we don’t speak about. Letting yourself snap, letting them see all your messy. Sitting down with your demons, staring them dead in the face, and learning to become comfortable with the uncomfortable.
As intimidating as they seem, the moments of weakness and discomfort are what help us develop resilience. Failure means there’s solutions to be found. Flaws confirm we’re human beings. Fear simply means we care.
I acknowledge that my personal experience is not universal. Some people’s affiliations might allow them to embrace their authenticity. I’m grateful to have found people and places that not just encourage, but enhance my authentic self. Refusing to settle is what brought me the lights of my life.
Sometimes all you have to do is break, in order to learn what makes you whole. Sometimes the journey sucks, there’s bumps in the road and you crumble just about a million times. But then you put back the pieces.
And you manifest a masterpiece.