The night before August 6th, 2025.
18 things I learned at 18, 19 things I learned at 19, and now 20 things I learned at 20. There’s something different about being twenty. They say you become a legal adult at eighteen, but losing the teen pushes you into adulthood headfirst. This year has given me the most growth and has forced me to dive into the deep end of maturity and adulthood. Every choice might not have been the most mature, but it certainly was filled with moments of growth. Maybe it was watching life/death choices being made in the hospital more than the average person or maybe it was becoming emotionally entangled in a way that I’ve never been before.
Looking back, I think this is the first time I’ve accepted my life for what is, being fully content with the experiences I’ve had and grateful for what I’ve done. The year might not have ended in the way that it started, but that’s okay. I’m going skydiving tomorrow, so maybe that’s why I’m reflecting in such a sentimental manner. Needless to say, here are 20 things I learned at 20.
Relationships
1. Some people are oxygen, water, and food.
Like the survival rule of 3, you can go 3 minutes without oxygen, 3 days without water, and 3 weeks without food. You need all three to survive, but you need more of some and others are just needed in moderation, so take the time to contextualize who takes what place in your life.
2. You might not love them, you might love the version of them your heart hoped they could become.
This is an important life lesson. It’s easy to get attached to a vision and the “idealized” best, romanticized version of something/someone.
3. Clarity > Chaos.
Sometimes life hands you situations where emotions run high and it’s tempting to cling to uncertainty, but clarity will always serve better than chaos. When things are confusing, it’s easy to mistake emotional highs for happiness, when in reality, confusion is its own kind of answer. Choosing clarity means protecting peace, even if that requires less highs and more stability. Chaos may feel intense in the moment, but clarity is what makes space for growth and genuine connection.
4. Like A wise man once sang, “I’m Learning to Lose, That’s the Thing They Don’t Teach You.”
Lyrically, the song “Roommates” by Malcolm Todd felt like an overwhelming theme throughout my twentieth year for several reasons. Sometimes you’re forced into the position of moving on from a situation, whether you like it or not. Unexpectedly, you might lose pieces of yourself from this. They don’t teach you this, but it’s a part of adulthood and adapting.
5. Step up or step down.
This is something I said and say a lot. They say that you know who really matters in life in times of celebration and in times of devastation. This is absolutely true. I’ve definitely seen the true colors of people through these moments, and if they’re not willing to step up in the way you have, you need to let them be. If they won’t step up, let them step down.
6. You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.
Don’t be misled, this is in moderation. I am not advocating for you to send a strongly-worded paragraph to your boss or arch nemesis.
What I do mean is that you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person in the sense that you shouldn’t be concerned about slightly tweaking what you say as if you’re walking on eggshells. If someone is meant to be in your life, your niche linguistic choices aren’t going to be a dealbreaker, and you’re not going to have to overthink every little decision that you make. Simply stop wasting precious time overreading, crafting the perfect message. It doesn’t matter.
7. The history you shared ≠ a permanent pass back into your life.
Sure, memories are nice, but history doesn’t excuse mistakes.
I’m the type of person who imagines my future wedding and who could potentially be future bridesmaids, and some of those people aren’t in my life anymore. Instead of ruminating, be grateful for the role that they played in your life. Beautifully, they were a part of your mosaic, but that doesn’t mean they belong in your present.
8. not everyone gets access to you. it’s not about being mean, but protecting your peace.
In today’s society, “peoplepleasing” and “golden retriever” personalities are widespread. It can feel like a stab to the chest to tell someone “no” or I can’t.” Naturally, you will not mesh well with everyone. It’s not about being disrespectful. Protect your peace. Respecting yourself isn’t rude.
career
9. Don’t lose yourself in your career.
Let’s face it, when you’re in undergrad, you’re probably in college to achieve your dream and get a better life to pave the path to a bright future. However, as we get closer to starting this career (and as a nursing student who essentially dived into the realities of working in a hospital as a third year) it is so easy to become completely consumed by work. Make sure to create a balance, or else you’re going to see your personality drown and struggle to come back to the surface.
10. Your words don’t need to sparkle like a diamond to be valuable.
This year, I pressured myself to polish every piece of writing until it was flawless. With AI everywhere, it felt like I had to compete with a perfect wordsmith. I’ve learned that my words matter even when they’re not perfect. In actuality, they are more valuable because they are authentic and mine.
11. don’t dance around the daisies.
Funny enough, a lot of people used to call me Daisy mistakenly. Maybe it’s a combination of my first and last name, Danielle Paisley, and the fact that it used to be my favorite flower, but this saying runs true and deep.
I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting and working on projects with patients who are survivors of malignant diseases, and a common theme throughout this has been hope, connection, and healthy relationships. However, toxic optimism isn’t helpful. You can’t dance around the facts, and it’s important to face them instead of ignoring them. The way that you choose to recover and fight brings more power.
life
12. Being an introvert or an extrovert isn’t better. just be YOUvert.
I used to spend so much energy moving from one extreme to another:
A) Trying to be less shy, more social, and talking to everyone at every opportunity, or B) Hyperfixated on presenting a “palatable” watered-down version of myself.
Both were incredibly draining! Forcing yourself to be something that isn’t natural will not make you happy in the long run; being an authentic “youvert” is more than enough.
13. literally be grateful for what you have. Health can take you by surprise.
In “18 Things I Learned at 18”, one of my major life mottos was “expect the unexpected,” and I feel like the gravity of the meaning got lost until it truly hit me this year. Health is unpredictable, and literally anyone’s life can change in a matter of seconds. Regularly witnessing it firsthand is life-altering.
14. just because life isn’t following your fairytale script doesn’t mean it’s going to end in a tragedy.
After living new experiences and reflecting, I’ve realized that everything really does happen for a reason. That reason might not be clear right away, but that doesn’t mean your story is over. There’s still so much ahead, and you have to trust that your fairytale will find its own special ending. It might not be the exact happy ending you pictured, but one that’s meant just for you.
15. You’re not the main character in everyone’s story. most of the time, you’re a side character and that’s beautiful.
You don’t need a spotlight or a solo to be impactful. You’re not the main character in everyone’s story, and that’s a good thing. Most of the time, you’re a side character who adds depth, laughter, or support to someone else’s chapter.
There will always be someone stronger, smarter, and sparklier. There’s beauty in knowing your role doesn’t have to be center stage to be meaningful. Life feels lighter when you embrace that shared humanity instead of chasing the lead role.
16. The grass might look greener, but it’s fake grass.
The grass might look greener on the other side, but if you take a closer look, it’s often just fake grass. Fake grass is popular, and that goes beyond artificial turf.
In today’s world, performative personalities and curated perfection flood our screens, making it easy to mistake outwardly edited perfect lives for authenticity. I’ve learned that chasing illusions only leads to disappointment and comparison. Real growth comes from seeking substance over surface, even when it’s less flashy.
17. Make everything you do feel like a holiday.
I truly admire the way Dua Lipa maintains a healthy relationship with her fans and what she shares via social media. She captures her carefree energy behind the scenes, not always during a glamorous red carpet or concert. Like she said in British Vogue, “I am not always on holiday, I just make everything I do feel like a holiday.” Romanticize your life and capture the little things, not just the major milestones.
18. Reminder: the longer you stay on the wrong train, the more expensive it is to get back home.
I won’t lie, I have, in fact, taken the wrong train once, twice, probably more than three times. Is that embarrassing? Maybe a little bit, but realizing you are heading away from your destination is better than pretending you are heading towards it. I know where I’m going now.
19. you never know the impact of your words. choose what you say carefully.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can’t hurt me” is absolutely not true. I learned this the hard way when I found myself in a situation where loss and grief were heavy in the air. Suddenly, the dark humor and casual comments didn’t feel harmless anymore. I realized that even when words feel small to us, they can land like a weight on someone else. Be mindful of what you say and how people react.
20. just be there. spread love.
You don’t need the perfect text, outfit, or plan. Simply showing up for friends, patients, or yourself matters more. This can make a bigger difference than you would ever know.
21, What’s to come?
21, I don’t know what’s to come, I don’t think it’s going to be easy, but I know that I have lived through a lot of incredibly valuable life lessons. I know I’m going to continue to reflect, and you already know that I will absolutely be doing “21 things I learned at 21” next year. Until then, live life, learn new lessons, and cherish the memories.