I am a feminist.
I hate a lot of men.
Those two things do not go hand in hand.
I’ve seen countless TikToks making fun of men who listen to Clairo, or any lesbian artist who makes soft music, and it’s starting to bother me.
If we want feminism, we want feminism all the way. The true definition of feminism is, “the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes,” according to Oxford Languages.
We have not won until we are all equal. Feminism hasn’t won because women in America earn 95 cents on the dollar. Feminism hasn’t won because a majority of women in South Sudan are forced to marry before they turn 18. Feminism hasn’t won because 91% of sexual assault victims are female with only 2% of rapists being convicted and imprisoned. Feminism hasn’t won because girls in Yemen have an average schooling of only 2.9 years. Feminism hasn’t won because in Afghanistan, the Taliban prohibits women from speaking or showing their faces in public.
Feminism hasn’t won yet.
While women in the U.S. do not face harsh laws like women in third world countries do, there is still so much work that needs to be done. One of those being misandry.
Misandry can be seen as a form of feminism but one that holds women above men, and I’m all for women empowerment: More women have college degrees than men and single women are the happiest demographic; we don’t ever need to rely on a man.
The problem occurs when I see TikToks like this:
And I hear the phrase: “boy turn off that Clairo and go get you a beer.”
Which yes, is hilarious, but who are we to say that men cannot listen to this type of music? It all seems so regressive to feminism. Making distinct lines between the two sexes just pushes us back. This idea also pushes toxic masculinity.
I know that people are mostly joking (I think?) but it leaves men who want to be open about their feminine side wondering if they are masculine enough to be considered “a man.”
Gender dysphoria occurs when someone feels a disconnect between their gender identity and the sex they were born with. Men’s mental health has been overlooked since the beginning of the patriarchy – and this pushes it back even more.
If we want men to be open about emotions and respect women we owe them a space that allows them to listen to whoever they like or discuss feminist literature without discourse, without question.
Another issue that this brings up is performative feminism, which describes people performing acts of feminism only to earn the likeness of others, particularly of feminists.
If a woman posts a picture on Instagram and a man comments something derogatory about her, another man could reply and say “that’s not okay.” If the original commenter responds, 9/10 they will say some version of, “she’s not gonna pick you” or “white knight.” Implying that a man standing up for women is purely something they do to try to sleep with a woman. Yuck.
Men should stand up for women and not get questioned about their intentions. Yes, intentions can be impure, however, it is regressive to assume that men only want this out of lust.
This goes along with men posting videos like this:
I understand that this video is satire, however, the comments are scary.
It’s the exact same scenario, but this time women are the ones pushing the idea that a man only posts this content to get with women.
If you call yourself a feminist, yet believe that men consuming this media is all performative, you are regressing the feminist movement.
I know that we all have rage with men for all the bad they do in the world (I won’t put statistics here because I could list so many and it isn’t the point of the article – but yeah it’s bad). BUT don’t forget where your feminism comes from. Take that fire in your soul and use it to dissolve this gender gap.
We don’t need revenge; we need equality.