Often times when meeting someone new, they ask for you major and then what you want to do with it.
Or when you meet one of your parent’s friends, another professor, etc.
And truly, when asked that question, is an anxiety attack waiting to happen. I had come into college knowing what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a Mental Health Counselor for children, teenagers and young adults. I was so confident in that answer that my chest filled with pride. But while, I would still love to do that, I don’t say it loudly anymore.
I took a criminology class, and while I have also loved true crime, that class turned my head. Could this be another path I would be willing to explore?
Then when prompted with that question I would respond, “I am a psychology major and I am looking on taking it into Mental Health Counseling or possibly a track with behavioral analyst, something involving crime.” I would go more into depth when asked further questions, but the short answer stays the same.
Then, second semester, I am in a Interpersonal Relations Psychology course. And like an owl’s head, it is starting to turn again.
To me, this feels like a letdown. I was so confident in my answer, 8 months ago, and now it has changed. I feel like I’m failing.
But often when I express my concerns, I am told its okay or you are only a freshman you have years to figure it out. And while I appreciate it, it feels like they don’t understand what I am going through.
I have been a planner; I have always been one. I don’t like change or last-minute plans. It stresses me out, so not knowing leads me to stress. When comes stress, also comes overthinking and feeling less than.
This feeling of a possible change is painful.
Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.
I have also thought about the possibility of looking into Strategic communications. While I don’t know much, I want to feel it out, many have thought that I would do well there.
Along with Law, I have always been able to argue, and many think that I would make a great lawyer, so it has been added into my long-listed answer.
There are points when speaking to friends, classmates and others, I feel so far behind, because they know what they want to do, and I mourn that girl that I once was. Wishing to go back to it.
The planner in me is terrified, but I am also excited to try new things, but should I just stick with it. Because I would love helping children through tough times, but will I wish I did something different.
So, for now, I will have a mini anxiety attack, every time that I am asked, what do you want to do. And for now, I will have to live with it.