I stood in the middle of my room, surrounded by what was left of everything that wasn’t packed in the car downstairs, crying. All the suitcases in the house were filled with the things I would be flying with and bringing into my future dorm, and my family was downstairs getting ready to drive to the airport to catch a flight out to start my new life in St. Bonaventure, New York. Yet, despite my excitement to start over, I was beyond terrified. Sitting in my bedroom that day, the meaning of “long distance” from my family and all the people I loved hit me smack in the face harder than it had before.
Traveling and change were two things that I was decently accustomed to in my life through moving around as a kid. Despite the changes, though, I’d always had my family with me to lean on and to be with me through whatever I was feeling and going through, and yet my world still felt like it was ending the closer I was getting to moving away for college. Though I’d wanted to go away for college ever since I can remember–I’ve always been an independent person, and this is what I’d dreamed of for years–I was beyond scared and sad to leave this place I’d started to really call home. The scary part, though, was actually the thought of staying stagnant in the same spot and ten years down the road looking back and regretting never taking the risk or learning how to exist completely on your own.
I was terrified, not knowing exactly what my future held for me out east and grieving the past eighteen years of my life with my family, but I was still so excited for the adventures and memories that still lay ahead for me, completely untouched. I recognized that feeling the minute I got on campus, and I knew that this was going to be one of the greatest blessings and gifts of my life. While yes, distance is hard at times with my family, especially with my younger sisters, I’ve found that I adore living two lives on two different coasts. I’m fortunate enough to go home for the major breaks like Christmas and Spring Break, and the people I’ve met here have been so generous in welcoming me into their families’ homes and having me with them for Thanksgiving and Easter. To be honest, it never truly feels like I’m long-distance at all. The people I’ve met and grown with here at St. Bonaventure have helped me build such a home that I never feel scared, lonely, or sad. Words alone cannot describe what a beautiful feeling that is. Not only am I so blessed to be learning in a school that I truly enjoy and see my talents and passions flourish in, but I also get to be surrounded by so many loving individuals who make me feel like I’m more at home than ever.
I think about the day I left for school often, and I laugh a little because I was so scared and sad to change. Younger me, she had no idea how fortunate she would become to love the change and distance she would create.