April 17, 2025, was a difficult day for us, one that we’re all still processing. Just the other day, I went to campus for the first time since that tragic day and broke down. I was meeting up with my brother and a friend so we could pay our respects together, but they were running a little late. Walking through campus for the first time since the shooting, all alone, with flowers in my hand, was not how I expected to end the semester.
I went home for the weekend and had time to process everything, so I didn’t think I’d have a hard time returning to campus. To my surprise, the second I saw all the flowers, I started bawling. I stood there for about 20 minutes reading all the messages and the flowers while sobbing uncontrollably. As much as I wanted to keep my cool, I physically couldn’t. I had about four or five strangers coming up to me, giving me hugs, and asking if I was okay. I was not okay, and to this day, I am still recovering from all the emotions I felt.
I was lucky that during the shooting, I was safer than a lot of my friends, but I was still terrified for my life. I was in a meeting at the Career Center when the alarm went off. I didn’t know what it was and assumed it was a fire. I was getting ready to leave when my advisor left the room to check out the sound. She came running back into the room and quickly locked the door. I guess she found out about the lockdown from her coworkers, but I was still lost. It wasn’t until I saw the “Active Shooter” display on her computer that I realized what was going on.
I’m used to lockdowns. But this was like no other. I grew up in Broward County, which is the same county as Marjory Stoneman Douglas (MSD), otherwise known as “Parkland.” I was in seventh grade when the Parkland shooting happened. We were on “Code Red” as a result of the nearby shooting, and I remember that day very well because it was the first time I ever felt unsafe at my school. Years later, when I got to high school, my school often received threats from students just wanting to get out of exams.
So, although it sounds bad, I was used to being on lockdown. My first thought when I heard what was going on was “not this again.” It took me a few minutes to realize what was happening and react accordingly.
The building door, as well as the general Career Center doors, were (as far as I knew) unlocked. The only room that was locked was the individual office I was in. This added to my anxiety because we heard noise (that ended up being internal noise), and we didn’t know who was outside. I remember sitting in the dark, holding pepper spray in one hand and a stapler in the other. A couple of thoughts went through my head, the main one being whether or not I would freeze the second somebody opened that door.
The experience was by far one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. However, the FSU community has become stronger than ever. We’re not okay, but we’re not alone either. We have each other and so much support.
FSU has done a great job providing support, resources, and a sense of community. I can’t tell you the number of times I have seen the Counseling & Psychological Services promoted as a result of the shooting. And can we talk about the therapy animals on campus? The Counseling & Psychological Center bringing dogs to campus as a form of therapy is incredible. And what’s up with these therapy chickens? I could have sworn I saw a llama today, too.
It’s not just FSU. So many people have offered support to each other. It’s amazing how many people came up to me, just offering a friendly hug and kind words. I was surprised to see so many flowers on campus. From what I’ve heard, the pile keeps growing more and more every day. I couldn’t be prouder of our FSU community.
Everyone is still somewhat on edge and will be for a while. I have actively been avoiding Legacy Walk since the day I brought flowers there, and every slammed door still makes me jump. I get goosebumps every time I think of the shooting, but with all of this, I know we will be okay. FSU is not just a school; we’re a community that has gotten even closer. We have each other’s backs, and we’re unconquerable and stronger than ever. As always, Go Noles, and sending hugs and happy wishes to everybody in the FSU community.
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