Good tidings to you, fellow zombuffs!
My stars, am I swamped in work. They couldn’t keep me from my beloved ghoulies for another week if they tried, though. What better to get your spirits, and corpses, raised than some good old comedies? I hope this week’s installment into Watching Every Zombie Movie Ever, featuring all zombie comedies– zomcoms, if you will– brings you the same joy it brought me. Maybe you’ll even find your next comfort movie here, who knows?
Will I ever get back to seven movies in an article? I don’t know. Perhaps I bit off more than I can infect. I alone run this train, y’all are just hanging on for the ride.
For those who are new to the series, I have recently, against my better judgment, committed to watching every zombie movie ever, and you lucky folks get to join me for the ride!
Each review will have my personal rating, a bit about how effective I think the movie is as a zombie movie, maybe a bit about the zombies themselves, and sometimes a few fun facts. Reviews will also include the zombie type (where they originate from), class (features/how survivable they are), and spread (self-explanatory).
Beware: minor spoilers.
1- Dead don’t Die (4/5 brains)
Trailer: [https://youtu.be/AD10dDdEGmU?si=2jg82gh4GUNke9_3]
Excellent cast. I love odd movies, but maybe this was a little too odd for me? Or maybe too odd for what I expected out of a zombie movie. Maybe I just need to open my eyes to the weirdness. Whatever. Go watch it, it’s good. Like objectively good. Anyways, this movie has a stellar cast and all of its stars are stars for a reason. I gotta say, I always appreciate the humor of a cast of normal people reacting to extraordinary situations as if they were mundane, so this movie tickled me. Like ‘oh okay, there are zombies now, I guess that’s happening. Do we still have to go to work?’ Yes. Everyone still goes to work. Especially Tilda Swinton. My god, does Tilda Swinton go to work.
Type: Infected, Class: Shamblers, Spread: Bite
2- Range 15 (1/5 brains)
Trailer: [https://youtu.be/Ss63UOd4P84?si=rkeWPD3ohxIqmw4p]
Any other day, I would love to see a movie about a ragtag group of friends kicking zombie tuchus. I love a little rippin’ and tearin’. A little zombie family road trip. Y’all… this movie suuuucked. During the first, maybe, ten minutes, I thought to myself, “Hey, the acting and effects in this aren’t half bad, why haven’t I heard of this?” And then I realized why. I haven’t heard of this because anyone who’s seen it is only talking about how stupidly awful this movie is. Range 15 was entirely written and funded by this one veteran youtuber and his whole gang and they somehow managed their funds really well, but it all falls flat when the runtime is consistently interrupted by the most awful horny jokes you’ve ever heard. Like really bad. At some point, it all became this, like, high-pitched buzzing noise right behind my eyes instead of an actual script. I’m not going to dip too much into the political themes because the cast is loud enough about that on their own, so all I’ll say is maybe this isn’t exactly Mt. Holyoke approved– especially as the school that intimidated that one officer from the nearby air base out of speaking at graduation last year.
The zombies? Average. So painfully average. While I think they can bite people and spread the infection, none of the main characters really seem to be worried about it. Or have to deal with it. You could really replace the zombies with any other creature and the movie would function the same.
Editing Maren here: I feel like I should tell you that you have to watch this movie. Just so you can fully understand my exasperation. Oh my god.
Type: I’m. Not sure. Infected? Class: Shamblers. Some of them wrestle. Spread: Bite, probably
3- Cockneys vs Zombies (2/5 brains)
Trailer: [https://youtu.be/HLe5rHUkpeY?si=jBeNSf7dK7Ssnqo2]
While the main plot is subpar and sometimes boring, it is driven forward by the B-plot of a bunch of old people beating the bejesus out of some zombies. The humor really shines when the camera is focused on the old folks’ home and waiting for the next time a zombie got hit with a walker got me through the fumblings of the main characters. For some reason, bad acting is much more believable when the person doing it is over the age of 65. While I can’t recommend this as a great zombie movie, or even a great zomcom, I can recommend it for the elderly hijinks alone.
Type: Infected, Class: Shamblers, Spread: Bite
4- Aquarium of the Dead
Trailer: [https://youtu.be/c1tfzg7Iabc?si=WbC8IyyURuzDYsDo]
Aquarium of the Dead would have been so good if it just let itself be bad. It shies away from showing too much– well, showing anything at all– for fear that it’ll make itself look stupid with cheap effects. Unfortunately, this backfires and now the movie looks stupid because of the lack of cheap effects. How am I supposed to be worried about the cast dealing with zombie dolphins if every time they face an obstacle I can see no threat to blame their horrified faces on? They’ll all go, ‘oh no! Zombie piranhas!’ and I’ll foolishly expect to see zombie piranhas, but the camera will stay focused on their faces for excruciatingly long and I don’t get to see a single decaying fin. Alas, this movie is woefully lacking in the creature department. The creatures are there for the characters, but not for us, and it really takes you out. Every glimpse of an awfully cgi’d octopus or the same alligator walk cycle three times in a row made me giddy, hopeful they might ramp up the animal appearances later in the movie. My excitement when a single practical dolphin corpse showed up on screen was immense. Oh, if only I could have been hopeful for a reason. I wish they showed more. Even if all they could show was sh*tty.
That whole joke about the dude named Skylar did tickle me.
Type: Viral, Class: Fish?, Spread: Bad meds, dirty water
5- Office Uprising (3.5/5 brains)
Trailer: [https://youtu.be/Q5IpPNALkaE?si=PbWViQSDWCQCjhKy]
Oh, Office Uprising. A friendly face amongst a sh*tstorm. Unfortunately, not a zombie movie– I know I keep saying I’m going to stop watching zombie-adjacent movies so I can get through a smaller list, but I watched this one a couple weeks ago before I narrowed down my search. She’s a lucky, lucky film to make the cut. In any case, much like Mayhem (see previous article), Office Uprising is not a zombie movie but another case of humans being changed by something into unhinged, uninhibited freakshows. In this case, the trigger is the consumption of corporate-sponsored energy drinks that have been tainted as a slighted ex-employee’s severance revenge plan. These energy drinks turn the employees of the office the film is set in into the closest thing to a zombie that can still speak. They’re tearing each other apart, playing hacky sack with their coworkers’ kidneys, going on rampages and still holding intelligent, albeit violent, conversations. It’s cute. I like the chaos, I like the fun, and again, much like Mayhem, there’s a cure for those who are lucky enough to survive the carnage. One brain off for the fact that the zombies aren’t really zombies (they are advertised as zombies), and another half off for pretty much ripping the main character’s internal monologue straight from Zombieland. I can’t fault it too much, though; the format is effective.
Type: Infected, Class: Sentient, Spread: Energy drink
As the third edition of our zombie crusade comes to an end, I hope you revel in my suffering through subpar films so you don’t have to, and rejoice that I have found maybe one or two movies worth watching. Maybe you’ll even laugh hard enough to raise the dead.