I am recently single. I have made my way back into the dating pool, and I am slowly finding my way.
After being in a relationship for most of my young adult life, it has been… a journey to figure out how to navigate my way through the mess that is dating in 2025.
Here are some of the hot takes I have accumulated in my short time in this hellscape:
Communication is key… and apparently lacking
There is nothing sexier than someone who knows what they want. That is the energy I bring into all the relationships I form with people. Unfortunately, this energy is not reciprocated as much as it should be.
It only causes problems when there isn’t enough communication about what you guys want or expect from whatever situation you have.
So here is your sign: have the “what are we” conversation with them. I know it can be uncomfy, but so is feeling unsatisfied in your relationships.
Lust does not equal Like
This is a big one. And I am a victim, but also the perpetrator.
You know what type of guys this applies to. The Tinder match who wants your snap before even saying hello or the Hinge guy who texts you, “wyd tn” (never with proper punctuation, of course).
I know it can be easy to revel in that type of attention, but I urge you to recognize that lust is all it is! It’s not a bad thing to enjoy that type of attention; it gets harmful when you think it moves past that.
And the same goes for us girls. I have matched with some FINE men on dating apps and fallen into conversation, thinking that things might actually go somewhere, only to be slapped in the face with the reminder that I am sitting through a boring conversation just to have a mediocre hookup with a cute face.
Do NOT get these things confused. This, again, emphasizes the importance of COMMUNICATION!!
Girls can be players too
Pretty self-explanatory, but I feel like this is something that can be forgotten pretty easily when going on dating apps and you’re being flooded with a bunch of horny dudes.
Sometimes, women want the no-commitment hookups just as much as men do. Men seem to think that all women want to settle down into a long-term, committed relationship, and that’s just not how it is all of the time. Honestly, there is so much stereotyping of women in the dating pool right now that it can be hard for them to start a relationship off with a clean slate.
To be frank with you guys, I’m not looking for my life partner right now. I want to enjoy my youth and make new memories with people who I think are fun to be around. Does that make me a player? I guess I’ll let you decide…
don’t ignore the red for one green
I had this happen to me. I went on a perfect date. It was coffee, and the record store, and then the botanical gardens. Not only that, this gentleman then came back to my place… only to make me and my roommate dinner.
The conversation was flowing and easy; I really enjoyed myself. So I (maybe naively) had hope.
But then, the red flags started popping up. Every time something else happened between us that I didn’t like, I would say to myself (or defend him to my friends by saying), “But he put so much effort into our date, and I had a really good time with him”.
That’s how I knew I had fallen into the trap. I should not have to defend the person that I am seeing to myself or others. If he truly wanted to be with me, he would show it. If he truly enjoyed “chatting and hanging out with you,” you would know (Yes, I’m pulling quotes; I’m nothing if not thorough).
Ok, the next one might ruffle some feathers so here is your warning to look away:
There is a fine line between hopeful and Delusional
If you finally have the dreaded “what are we” conversation and it does not go completely how you want it to, accept that.
Not everyone is meant to be, and the relationship that you are meant to be in will find you. What is meant to happen will.
Don’t hear that he wants casual and think you can change his mind. It only harms you when he sticks to that and you are left wondering if there is something wrong with you.
Of course, it’s always good to hope that the person you like will want the same thing you want, but that is not always the case. Ignoring the oftentimes blatant rejection and then being surprised when the relationship isn’t meeting your expectations is, unfortunately, your fault.
I know that might sound harsh, but I just want to help any other girls that may have fallen into the trap like I did.
embrace Your own company
This is the most important thing that I have learned on this rollercoaster ride of my dating journey. Honestly, I haven’t mastered this yet. It’s not as easy as it seems to be totally fulfilled with only yourself to keep you company. But it is so, so important to have healthy relationships.
You are your life partner. There is no one else you will spend more time with. It’s cheesy but so true: you have to love yourself before you can love another.
In conclusion, I have not had much success (obviously), but there is still hope for all of us single ladies. Do I remember all of these things all the time? No. But I do hope it inspired one of you to cut off that mediocre guy holding you back from being the best version of you.