Relationships are like a revolving door. People come through every single day. Some interactions are fleeting—like the barista who hands you your coffee, your next-door neighbor, or the person you pass every day on the way to class. Then there are the deeper connections, the ones that shape different seasons of your life. The friend you met at four years old in preschool, the girl who sat next to you sophomore year of high school, or your first college roommate.
Coming to college makes you realize just how many of these deeper connections you can form. Some of these new friendships you make might even outshine the ones you grew up with.
And that’s okay.
As a second-semester freshman, I’ve been lucky enough to find my best friends here at the University of Connecticut. However, as I’ve grown closer to them, I’ve also started to compare my different friendships—past and present. It’s not about ranking people or deciding who is “better.” It’s about recognizing how different relationships serve different purposes. Some friendships are built on mutual growth, encouragement, and support. Others may have been perfect for a certain stage of life but don’t fit where you are now. And that’s completely normal. It doesn’t mean those friendships were any less real or meaningful—it just means they served their purpose for that season.
Everyone who enters your life does so for a reason. My childhood best friends saw me grow from five to eighteen. That’s an incredible thing to share with someone. This doesn’t mean they need to be a part of every chapter moving forward. Sometimes, we grow in different directions, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you have to cut someone off entirely—some friendships naturally fade into the background. They don’t have to end in conflict or bitterness. They can just evolve.
How to deal with it
Realizing a friendship is becoming less central in your life can be uncomfortable. You might feel guilty, sad, or even angry. Here’s how to deal with it in a way that feels healthy and natural:
- Accept That It’s Normal. Friendships shift and grow. Just because you don’t talk every day anymore doesn’t mean the friendship wasn’t real or valuable.
- Don’t Force It. If a friendship is starting to feel like an obligation rather than something you enjoy, it might be time to take a step back. Not every friendship needs to be actively maintained at all times.
- Cherish the Good Times. Instead of dwelling on the distance between you, focus on the positive memories you’ve shared.
- Be Open to Reconnection. Just because a friendship fades now doesn’t mean it’s gone forever. Some friendships may come back, when your lives align again.
- Prioritize the Relationships That Bring You Joy. Surround yourself with people who support, inspire, and uplift you. Friendships should be fulfilling, not draining.
Letting go of friendships (even gradually) can be tough, but it’s also a sign of growth. It’s important to appreciate the memories, acknowledge the role people played in your life, and accept that change is a natural part of growing up.