It was a crisp fall afternoon in 2017, cloudy as can be. The scene? A mall, situated only five 5 minutes away from my house. I was 12- years- old at the time, having moved to a new town and just starting middle school. The memory of the scene unfolding is as vivid as it was years ago, my little 12-year-old self trudging to Victoria’s Secret for the first time. Like a soldier scouting out their mission, I swiftly marched into the store,- locked onto each and every article of clothing. My target was something simple, a nice sweater perhaps, a tight- fitting pair of leggings. Just like the other girls at school. All the while, there was a lurking itch in the back of my brain, an itch to dress in pink, frilly clothes with bows. I shut down those thoughts immediately. Those wouldn’t help me fit in.Â
The mindset of “fitting in” very quickly became “avoiding getting bullied.” To fit in with the latest fashion trends fundamentally had nothing to do with harassment, it was never a crime to begin with to dress outside haute couture. Yet, for the longest time, I felt as though I was doing myself the greatest justice of all —- by dressing like the others, I could spare myself tears and panic attacks. School was my whole life, and if I could make life the slightest bit easier, I would never have hesitated.
Judgment is what holds people back. Peers hold people back. Stares hold people back.Â
As years went by, I realized that my experiences were not unique nor original, they were shared by so many girls my age. Each comment and conversation was like staring into a portal, with 12-year-old me waiting on the other side. I was a witness watching her speak, staring into her helpless and conflicted eyes. I watched the sadness and uncertainty radiate from her soul.Â
“I would love to dress this way, but I know I will get bullied.”Â
So what is the solution?
I realized I had nothing to be afraid of.Â
First, at the end of the day, our lives are as fragile as they are long. We are inclined to believe that the present is larger than it is, although it is only a fragment of our lives. Every negative comment or look is but a second of our time, a moment of our lives that will inevitably lose its importance in the future.
Second, it is important to realize the nuances of opinion. Every person in the world has the right to their opinions and thoughts, yet it does not mean that everyone has to accept them. All things considered, people’s opinions lack meaning, and oftentimes, people express these opinions just to say it. There is a reason why people always distinguish the difference between fact and opinion.
Finally, always understand that other people’s judgments are a reflection of their world, their beliefs, and their anxieties. Oftentimes, their thoughts mirror their experiences and tend to project those experiences onto other people. Perhaps they saw someone on the internet wearing a similar outfit, and it didn’t look good on them —- or perhaps the style in general is not appealing to them. Oftentimes, it is never about you personally.Â
So go out there, slay those pink 80’s leg warmers! Do your makeup in a creative, expressive way (big eyeshadow and all). Dress up to walk around on campus, buy a cute outfit you know you’ll love. Expressing yourself is something special, something you won’t ever regret in the long run.