Humans are social creatures by nature. In the 21st century, I’ve found that the social aspect of young adulthood often glorifies food.
I was born with an anaphylactic allergy to milk, and in my lifetime, I’ve encountered a plethora of unique experiences and challenges intercepted or directly caused by my disability. So, how do I maintain an active social life in a food-oriented world while accommodating a life-threatening allergy?
Dating
In my dating experience, food has played a massive role in the context of a first date. Whether it be a main course at a fancy restaurant or a snack at a movie theater, I’ve found it nearly impossible to completely avoid my allergen.
And when your allergy is severe, it’s not the sexiest to tell a first date they can’t kiss you unless they avoid your allergen for three hours and then brush their teeth.
The most foolproof strategy I’ve come up with is simple: be honest. It’s easier said than done and can often feel awkward to bring up, but, in my experience, communicating with a potential partner has guaranteed my safety more than any alternative.
In some scenarios, I found myself uncomfortable telling the truth. Under these circumstances, I found it helpful to take the lead. Taking the initiative to plan a first date gave me complete control of the setting and activity we engaged in.
Outdoor dates were my lifeline. Going for a walk with my dog, or on a boat for a lake day allowed me and my date to go on an adventure where eating wasn’t a likely component.
In more comfortable cases, I even incorporated food — which seems counterintuitive — but in my experience, making a date out of cooking or baking in my kitchen ensured my safety while providing an allergy-friendly snack or meal.
Building Friendships
Dating isn’t the only social setting that relies heavily on food. Have you ever met someone in a lecture hall who asked to get together outside of class without including “We could get coffee!” or “Wanna catch lunch?” The answer to my question is probably “No.”
Before I became comfortable enough to educate a new companion about my allergy, I would simply substitute another plan without further explanation. But, now I’ve developed a POA for when these dreadful invitations arise.
Similarly to dating, I’ve found it helpful to be honest with a new friend. Being honest provides me comfort in preparing for a lunch or coffee date by packing my own allergy-friendly drink, snack, or meal, without the fear of embarrassment.
But, when honesty doesn’t seem like the best policy, there are plenty of other options I’ve turned to. Suggesting a study session for a shared class, or a homework date, have been great alternative plans in my experience. And a bonus: they allow you to bring your own snacks, drinks, or meals without question!
going out
A fact that often strikes surprise in non-allergic folk is that the term “food allergies” is fairly misleading. While allergic reactions can be caused by the ingestion and digestion of food products, skin reactions provoked by milk-including beauty products, skin-to-skin contact, and skin-to-surface contact, can also occur, and have personally been the more common perpetrators of my allergic reactions.
And if that shocks you, get a load of this: food allergies can also be drink allergies. Alcohols such as Kahlúa, Bailey’s, and Milk Stout contain milk products (those with a milk allergy, beware). So, considering the presence of milk in a food-less bar, how do I avoid cross-contact when ordering a drink?
Due to the possibility of cross-contact when drinks are crafted in a shaker or blender, canned drinks, such as hard seltzers and beer, don’t leave much room for error. I have also found that ordering the components of a simple cocktail can be an easy remedy to this complication. For example, a shot of whiskey from a brand you’re comfortable with, along with a Coke, can make a delicious straw-mixed cocktail.
The bottom line
When it comes to developing relationships of any nature and simultaneously protecting your health, knowing your self-worth is a crucial component. If someone cares about you, in any regard, they will do whatever they can to protect your well-being. Once I accepted this reflexive advice, I learned to look at my allergy as my savior rather than my enemy. It acts as the ultimate test in determining whether or not a romantic contender or a potential pal is worth my time and energy.
Because TBH, I don’t want to be friends with or date someone who makes me feel uncomfortable or awkward for having a lawfully defined disability.
It took me quite some time to build the confidence to have “the allergy talk” with fresh significant others and lecture hall acquaintances. So, if you’re feeling anxious to be honest, know that there are plenty of alternative options to avoid your allergen, and sometimes even include food along the way.
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