“Nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learned in my long term friendships with women – Dolly Alderton”
I have never been one to have tons of guy friends. I have had some guy friends, a lot of guy acquaintances, but to my core, my truest and closest friends have usually been women.
When I look to the root of my depression, I find a lot of it is wanting to be deeply understood. I think this is true for a lot of people. Naturally, when I am in a room full of women, it is easier to feel heard without even having to say much.
In the formative moments of my life where I have truly ‘grown up’ are easily related to by a woman. Your first heartbreak, the first time your body is noticed and commented on, your first rumor, the true betrayal of a friend- while all of these happen to men, I find women picking up my pieces.
“‘Cause you’re just a man, it’s just what you do”- Lana del Ray
This is not to say men are less intelligent than women at all. However, there is an aspect of my existence that they cannot fully empathize with. Non-external validation is a cornerstone of a relationship which I can always get from women.
Despite having a 2 year relationship in high school, I, like Dolly Alderton, have learned a lot more about myself, and the beauty of relationships, through platonic ones.
I think not having any sisters plays a big part in this for me. Everyone has a different relationship with their sister, but not having that figure at all I think played a role in how I view friendships. I love my older brother to death but I think even he would agree, having just the two of us played into a different dynamic.
The simple things like sharing clothes and makeup are beautiful, but there is something deeper about being able to see yourself and a peer grow up into womanhood together.
It is easy to love my friends passively, but it is important to really commit yourselves to these relationships. Dinners in the Hickey seem silly but they really are important places of connection, and debriefs. Especially with connecting with your hometown friends, it can be very easy to be sucked into your college life and forget to reach out once in a while.
As I mature, I find myself more thankful for the women I find in my life. I cherish the ‘getting ready’ hour, baking moments, sharing playlists, the pictures taken and much more.
PS: Please go by Dolly’s book immediately- it feels like a warm hug.