Helping a friend through a breakup is like watching the sunset each night. You try to observe every specific color and streak in the sky, just for it to be painted completely different than you imagined every single night.
Like the sky, surviving a breakup can look different for each person. We go through various phases when we are grieving our once significant other. How we feel one day may not be the same way we feel the next. When a friend is there to help you through the process, it can make it much easier to get through the days.
However, being on the other side of things can be a true challenge. My friend recently was broken up with and, though she was the one physically going through it, my heart ached for her as well. I wanted to crawl into her bed and sleep right next to her just to let her know that she was not alone, but I held myself back.
As the supporting friend, it only hurts her more if you show more emotion over the situation than she is.
Over the course of the breakup, I found myself in a Catch 22, not knowing what to say, how to say things, if I am saying too much/too little. After some practice and observing, I have noticed that everyone is different in how they handle their breakups.
Because my friend seemed okay, I did not gush over her every time I saw her by asking questions in terms of “How are you?” “Are you okay?” “How can I help?”
Instead, I gave her her time to heal and space to grieve. No one wants to hear how terrible of a significant other they had or how much they deserve better. In fact, saying these kinds of things only makes matters worse and creates unnecessary tension.
Something that I have found to be a good way to be there for my friend during this hard time is sending her uplifting quotes everyday. Because we are on opposite schedules, we do not get to see and talk to each other as much as we should. Sending these messages allows me to be there for her even if I am not physically there.
I also think this is the perfect balance between doing too little or too much.
These quotes were different messages everyday, ranging between “Life’s a climb, but the views great,” and “You are strong, smart and you got this.”
This is a good way to let her know I am thinking of her and ready to talk with open arms about anything she needs.
Again, how to help your friend in these tough circumstances can range depending on how the situation went down, how she wants to handle it and what advice can truly make her feel better.
Allowing yourself to feel the emotions is equally important when helping out a friend during bad times. This then helps determine how to continue to be there for her.
Lastly, for anyone going through a breakup, just know that you are not alone and you are so much stronger than you think you are!