I learned quickly at college that everyone’s relationship with their home friends is different. A few of my college friends stopped talking to their high school friends as soon as they got to college. Others maintained a close relationship with all their home friends as they progressed through college, while some gradually fell out of touch with all but a handful of them. Some of my friends are just as close with their home friends as they are with their college friends. I fall somewhere in the middle of these definitions, and I’m okay with that! My freshman year of college I was so concerned about falling out of touch with my high school friends. However, now I can confidently say falling out of touch with your former friends makes sense due to a variety of reasons and is something we should accept as a part of life.
I can acknowledge that I have grown and changed vastly since high school (as most people do). A huge part of growing up is realizing some people grow in the same direction as you and some grow in a different (not worse, but different!) direction. Your friendship may not be as compatible as it once was because you’re not the same people you once were: certain beliefs, senses of humor, passion for things, etc. all change!! Many times, you might not even share a tie to the same state most months of the year. Without the commonalities and frequent face-to-face interactions, it can be difficult to maintain the close bonds you once had in high school. Proximity matters! Maintaining friendships with high school friends requires balancing several long-distance relationships, which takes effort on both ends. Our capacity to maintain multiple long-distance relationships on top of current college relationships is challenging.
Secondly, it’s hard to compare high school and college relationships because whether romantic or platonic, college relationships will move much faster. It is far easier to spend time together when the individual is just a walk away or you may even live with him or her. In addition, the memories you make are likely to be more extreme (think: more wild, more emotional), and there is greater opportunity to make these memories. As college is everyone’s shared home, there are SO many commonalities between students at the same university. And as you are navigating life for the first time without a guardian, these relationships will likely be more vulnerable than those in high school.
For many, college may also be the first time they’ve had to “choose” their friends. Often high school friends are people you have grown up with, or the basis of the friendship is surface level. You may love your high school friends because of the longevity of your friendship, but if you had met them randomly as a young adult, you may not have connected. College is often the first time an individual is choosing a friend based on common interests, involvements, and beliefs. Not to mention, the pool of people is normally bigger. The compatibility between friends at college is likely to be stronger, and that’s normal.
This article is not saying your relationship with your high school friends is doomed. As stated previously, everyone’s situation is different and if two people want to stay close, they can through mutual effort and love. I certainly have friends from home that I believe will be life-long, but I’ve learned not to stress about the relationships that have become more distant as that is a part of life. It is also okay to acknowledge that the nature of home and school relationships may be different. College and high school are vastly different experiences so why compare the people that accompany both? I know the friendships that are meant to last into my future will. As for the ones that don’t, I’ll still be grateful that at some point in my life, they were meant to be there.