“Hi Bri,
I (female, 23) have newly become 100% truly single no talking stage, no romantic interest lingering around. I am having a hard time coming to terms with this but this guy (25) asked me on a date at my job and I decided to go. Now, it’s coming down to the last couple days before the date and I am feeling VERY uneasy about all of this. Help!”
Wow!
I did not expect to open up my messages to this. First dates are filled with lots of anxiety and hopes. We open ourselves up to potentially meeting someone that can drastically change the course of your life. Quite honestly, that is something to be a bit nervous about. Only about 40 percent of dates end with the intentions of a second date but those are not bad numbers to bargain on.
Part of your reluctancy to go on this date probably stems from the feelings you are still attempting to process for this other person who has left your life. This isn‘t a wound that you should dress by going on a date with another person. Using someone as a stepping stone to get over something is likely to cause a negative emotional connection to be formed such as a trauma bond. I am definitely going to do a whole articled touching on just this subject matter because it is very complex. I do not recommend.
Now am I saying don’t go on the date? Absolutely not!
What I am saying here is that make sure to keep the healing away from the exploration. Doing this will allow you to be able to let go of past issues before potentially opening yourself and someone else up to expectations from one another.
Communicate with this person about what their goals were for this date. Do they value marriage the way they value marriage? Do they want kids? Are they polygamous or monogamous? Are they long-term dating or short-term dating? Do they have traditional views on relationships?
A huge part of dating in my opinion is getting to know yourself and getting to know the other person.
For a moment, you need to take your mind off of this huge objective to get married, have babies, buy a house and establish financial freedom with every person you come across in the dating world. At the end of the day, when going out on a first date remember who you are, what you want and that if this turns out to be a little weird then it’s a nice story to tell to the next person you I meet on your journey.