There are many occasions in my life where I find myself asking, “What do I look like to others? How do people perceive me? Do I really look like what my Snapchat camera shows me?” It amazes, and scares me, that I will never be able to physically look at myself the way others do. The closest way I can reflect is in a mirror, as the light bounces off of the reflective surface, producing an inverted image of myself.
Imagine yourself standing in front of a mirror. I will be asking a series of questions as your imagination flows. What do you see? It may be difficult, but try to disregard the physical appearance. Think about other aspects of yourself– your personality, actions, mental and emotional health, and other characteristics. Are you truly happy? Is your smile real, or is it hiding the pain and insecurity behind your eyes? Do you find love within yourself? Are the people around you supporting you, or making you feel unheard? Are you kind to yourself, the way you are kind to others? Do your current actions represent the person you are and hope to become? Are you allowing yourself to flourish or restricting your personal growth and development? In society, we are taught to conform to specific ideals and standards. We are like sponges. We absorb the behaviors, values, characteristics in our surrounding environment. So, my next question is: are you looking at the true version of yourself or the version that society created for you? And if you are looking at a conformed version of yourself, are you okay with that?
Do you like who you see?
When I stand in front of the mirror, I tend to pick myself apart based on my physical appearance. I am distracted by my bloated belly, thick thighs, and non-muscular arms. I get lost in the negative thoughts and forget to look past them and at the person on the inside.
During COVID-19, a time where the world was on lockdown, I was forced to spend every second with myself. I decided to finally look within myself. It was an incredible decision because I reflected on myself, the person I did not want to be, and rather the person I wanted to become. I lost track of my achievements and values because of the world and people around me. I learned that I did not like who I saw in the mirror: I spent most of my time on a device that did not support my physical, emotional, and mental health. Instead I learned that I enjoy being outside whether I am basking in the glorious sun or simply on a walk with my doggy. I found myself feeling alone, anxious, and sad in a group setting. I learned that the people in my life no longer served me, and did not show me the effort and love I deserve. Instead, I found happiness in my own company and the new people in my life. My family and I become closer as I learned to enjoy the time we spent together. I realized that I strayed away from activities that made me feel peaceful. I renewed my old hobbies: journaling, going on nature walks, and baking. Additionally, I discovered new activities, such as painting, crocheting, or blogging. I felt insecure and lacked any confidence in myself. I explored several methods of self-care techniques that taught me how to show myself true and unconditional love. I realized that I was not okay, and needed help. Therefore, I said, “I am not okay, and it is okay to not be okay”, admitting my current mental health status aloud. Although I am still seeking help and stability, that was a huge step in my mental health journey and my reflection period reminded me that a small step is just as great an achievement.
The list can go on, believe me. However, it is evident that the time I spent in front of the mirror, in a time of reflection, was worthwhile and essential to my well-being. I learned, developed, and grew as an individual, as a person, and as me.
As humans, we evolve and change every second of every day. Therefore, it is important to reflect on who you are and if it aligns with who you want to become. We waste our time thinking about how others perceive us, but our opinion about ourselves matters more. No one knows you the way you do. So, reflect on yourself based on your own thoughts and about the person you are. Quick disclaimer: there is a difference between self-reflection and self-deprecation. Do not criticize yourself and your experiences, instead, reflect on your current self. Next time you look in the mirror, look at your reflection as you reflect within.