One month ago, I moved into a college dorm 2,000 miles away from everything remotely familiar to me. My introduction to college life was flooded with “advice” from reminiscent adults rambling about their remarkable college years but offered little to no true insight into what I was about to endure.
1. Pressure and Loneliness are standard
There is so much pressure. Pressure to perform well in school, pressure to make new friends, pressure to get involved, pressure to have the stereotypical college experience, and pressure to love it. Over and over again we are told “college was the best four years of my life,” and while this may be true to some, it’s a frightening thing to hear. It suggests that life afterward is downhill, and you’re expected to love your time as a college student more than anything. It sets up four years of unattainable expectations, even before sitting through your first lecture. The first night on campus, with parents lingering in nearby hotels, freshmen are already celebrating in dorms and looking for fraternities throwing parties nearby. This first taste of the “college lifestyle” can be exhilarating and paralyzing all at once, and this paradox of emotion is only heightened by pressure.
In my experience, it’s not the first weekend in college, but the second that’s the hardest. The novelty of being a college student has started to wear off, it’s only syllabus week so you don’t have enough school work to keep you busy, and everyone seems to have magically formed a group of friends. It was at this point that I experienced a sense of emotional confusion unique to this time. I was suddenly surrounded by thousands of other students with a nearly debilitating lack of privacy, yet somehow feeling incredibly lonely. The worst part was that no one was talking about it. I hadn’t heard about this from family members, older siblings, or friends, yet when asked, they all remembered feeling this way. This confusing sense of crowded loneliness is normal and most certainly to be expected, but not addressed by anyone leading up to the big transition. Don’t freak out, it will get better!
2. It’s okay to not be okay, and more than normal to not love college all of the time!
When I started to be stressed, sad, and overwhelmed, I was afraid to call my parents about it. I am extremely fortunate to have parents who are able and willing to help pay for my college education, but this caused me to withhold my true feelings from them at first. I was afraid that if I wasn’t having a good time, I would somehow be disappointing them, letting them down, or wasting their money. I didn’t want to call my mom to complain about a boring professor or an annoying assignment as I would have in high school. I chose this school, am blessed to be able to be here, and felt a sense of guilt and entitlement in not enjoying it. It took me two weeks too long to recognize that not having an amazing time all of the time doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful and college is more about growth. You aren’t paying to have an amazing time, you’re paying to discover new ideas about the world and yourself — both of which require struggling from time to time. Do not hesitate to decompress with family and friends during moments of stress or frustration. Almost all universities have mental health programs designated specifically for these situations.
3. Getting involved is important, but listen to your gut and trust the universe!
Many campus clubs and organizations are competitive and selective, yet universities shove “get involved” down the throat of any freshman who will listen. I tried out for UMass Club Swim and was fortunately selected as a member of the team. Despite my excitement, I was filled with nerves about joining, being too slow, and not knowing anyone. The transition from my closely knit team at home to such a large group with no one I knew was a terrifying but courageous step I needed to gain a sense of community at a foreign institution. For others, however, this may not be the case. Just because you need to focus your energy on the academic, personal, or geographical transition over joining different organizations doesn’t mean you aren’t putting yourself out there or pushing yourself. Pay attention to what you need to make this a healthy and positive change for you, regardless of whether or not it’s in line with external expectations.
Entering college is exciting, yes, but simultaneously terrifying! Pay close attention to your head and your heart, talk to people you’re close with, and prioritize what is best for you.
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