We’ve all heard about doom-ridden long-distance relationships, but the long-distance friendship deserves a study of its own. And if anyone knows how to navigate a long-distance friendship, it’s me.
For context, my choice to attend university abroad marked my third move in the span of 5 years. I moved from a boarding school on Canada’s west coast to the city of Toronto and then to the small town of St Andrews, Scotland. And as you can imagine, this has led me to be well-versed on the topic. As I reflect on my friendships through this piece, I can proudly say that I feel as close as ever to my friends from childhood, high school and the time in between. If anything, as the years have been passing, these relationships managed to get stronger despite the distance.
With that, I begin my guide to a long-distance friendship, encompassing things to remember, do and think about.
My Top 4 Tips:
consider which friendships are worth your time and effort
To be frank, with every move, it is impossible to keep up with every person you’ve ever met. And if you tried, you would never be able to explore new friendships wherever you end up next. You need to be honest with yourself about who you want to keep in your life and consider who will also put in the same effort.
Technology cannot overcome face-to-face connection.
Every time you are lucky enough to reunite with old friends, be sure not to leave without making plans for the next time to see each other – and then commit to them! My friends from high school and I have only reunited for 3 weekends in the past 4 years. However, the time between each meeting never feels too long as we always have plans in place to see each other again.
On the other hand, use technology to its fullest extent.
At first, I thought the only way of calling a friend I hadn’t seen for a while was via a long catch up. However, as the time to do so rarely comes around, the pressure of having a deep conversation with my friends would hinder me from talking to them at all. So, I started sending quick texts to people whenever I was thinking about them. I’d send a picture of a dress that I thought they’d look cute in, a random memory of them I had in my mind, or just a simple ‘I miss you’. Not every chat has to be a podcast episode. You can catch up on the deep stuff once you see each other in person. Remember, a random text from an old friend can often make someone’s day.
Work your long-distance friendships into your routine.
My childhood friends and I have committed to a group FaceTime call every Sunday. These have gone on for just over 3 years and we rarely miss one. Not only has this call been something I look forward to every week, but it has bonded us in ways I cannot even begin to describe. However, you can’t do this with just anyone. These are for the friends you almost feel like you need, the ones who keep you grounded, and the ones who mirror the time and energy you put into them.
Ultimately, the ingredients for a long-lasting friend regardless of distance remain universally similar. Commitment to giving each other time, accepting the sacrifices it takes to reunite, and a bone-deep certainty that you need one another in your life.