I doubt I will be the first to tell you that if a guy wants to, he will. However, I understand that there is still a small portion in every girl that wants to think that the one guy that they have had their attention on is slightly interested. Every girl has been there before with a Buzzfeed article open and a piece of pizza in hand, checking all the boxes to determine if a guy really is interested or just wants to be friends.
This is exactly the premise of the early 2000’s movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” While the end of the movie completely dismantles everything that we learned in the hour and a half that we invest into the story, the main premise still remains: if a guy does not act interested, he is not. So, allow me to break your heart and mend it back together with a compilation of reasons why he probably is just not that into you.
1. You are starting all communication
Too many people in this day and age are making themselves smaller in the name of making the first move. While I will admit that making the first move can undoubtedly move a relationship along, there comes a certain point when overzealousness must be recognized. Therefore, if there is not at least a 50-50 split between the two parties, chances are, they just aren’t that into you.
Instead of accepting this clear sign of disinterest, the rejected party usually will come up with a plethora of excuses, trying to glean any chance they have at the object of their affection reciprocating those feelings. These excuses may include saying that they are just busy or they need a topic to really get into the conversation. Although I understand the desire to have the person you like want you back, there comes a time when you have to realize they are not as interested in you as you are in them.
2. He hasn’t made it apparent that he is interested
Besides communication, there are multiple ways that a man can demonstrate that he is interested. These habits may include planning a date and sticking to the time that is designated, showing up when necessary and listening when you have a bad day. The list is endless, but one thing remains consistent: he is demonstrating that you are important.
Rather than fighting for affection that a person is not willing to give, you must recognize when to cut the cord and walk away from a person. This lesson holds true for friendships and dating relationships. The less a person focuses on something, the less importance it holds to them. Therefore, do not allow yourself to be degraded by accepting lackluster attention and affection in the name of understanding. Instead, realize that if this person is not paying attention to you, they are probably just not that interested in developing a relationship with you.
3. he isn’t introducing you to anyone
Beyond making the effort to communicate and make plans with you, another integral part of trying to build a relationship is introducing the person to all the important people in your life. This doesn’t have to mean that the person you like has to introduce you to their parents within the first five minutes of your interaction, but over a couple of weeks, if you aren’t meeting their friends or roommates, you have an issue.
Part of being interested in someone is enjoying their company. By the natural order of things, if you are hanging out with a person a lot, you tend to meet at least someone that they are friends with. However, just like with everything else, excuses can arise such as the person being too busy to make time to introduce you to friends. While excuses are understandable, they only soften the blow that the person you like may not be interested in you.
A good test to see if this is an issue for you and your crush is to analyze how many of your friends have been introduced to them versus the amount of their friends that you have met. The answer will be pretty evident after that.
4. He avoids going out in public with you
If there are no public outings, it is most likely because he doesn’t want to be seen with you. It is a tough pill to swallow, but it is better to realize early on that he is not interested than to spend multiple weeks pining and giving time to a person who cannot be bothered to be seen at a sushi restaurant with you.
Although I will admit that there could be a few logical reasons why a person does not go out in public with you, such as not having money to pay for dinner because they are a broke college student or not knowing what to do because the weather is awful, these excuses can only last so long before they grow weary. For instance, even if a guy is broke and the weather is awful, there are a multitude of things that you can do outside of the four walls of his apartment. Options for this may include studying at a library, going to your favorite bookstore or walking around Ikea. There are so many things to do outside of needing to spend money that if a guy wants to be seen with you, he will.
5. you are questioning if he is even interested
With all of these subtle ways of showing his disinterest, we cannot ignore the most obvious way to determine if a guy is just not that into you, which is to make you doubt his intentions. Maybe it is because I am too picky about men or because at my ripe age of 21 I have become intolerant of questioning motives and behavior, but I have a rule that if I have to Google whether a man likes me, he does not. This rule saves me so much time and analysis over the small things. Furthermore, it saves me the heartache of realizing that he was after another girl all along or the embarrassment of asking a guy whether he likes me only to be rejected.
The overall moral of the story is that if a man likes you, he will show that he is interested. There does not need to be a spontaneous flash mob or glamorous surprise to show that he is interested, but his every day actions will show if he truly wants you. And for goodness sake, if you are still wondering if he is interested after reading this article, he is probably just not that into you.