Female friendships are basically the pinnacle of all social relationships. Your girls know you inside and out, and they are the best source of support, love and advice. Female friendships have all the potential to be incredibly rewarding; but just like anything else, it takes some dedication to make them the best they can be. Here are a few ways to make sure that you’re doing the most to create powerful, compassionate and, ultimately, awesome female friendships:
1. Give words of real encouragement
When it comes to forging bonds, a compliment goes a long way. But don’t stop at surface-level comments — tell your friend you think she is really brave for breaking up with that no-good guy. Tell her that she inspires you for taking care of herself by going to yoga or getting regular mammograms. Tell her you’re always blown away by her passion for her major, or that you love how excited she gets when Lorde comes on the radio. Make the compliments you give personality-focused; a true compliment requires you to have noticed what makes the recipient truly unique and special.
2. Treat friendships like romances
We are often led to believe that romantic partnerships are the only relationships in our lives that require attention. But this belief is not only false, it perpetuates a lack of commitment to non-romantic bonds, which are arguably the most important relationships you’ll ever have. So do the things with your bestie that Cosmo suggests for a fun date night: go on picnics, introduce them to your family, or make them a meal. Do all the things you would want an SO to do for you: show up to their play, proofread their essays, and ask them about their day. Show up for your besties and give your time, energy, and thoughts into the relationship — it will solidify mutual trust and support.
3. Protect your girls
Okay, contrary to what many may assume, women don’t actually need constant protection. That said, though, we should always be looking out for each other, especially when creepy dudes or sticky situations are afoot. When you see a guy grinding up on your bestie or messaging her non-stop, offer your help. Grab her arm and ask her to go to the bathroom with you, or send the dude a firm (or savage) message and sign it “— her best friend.” Do whatever she might need to make her feel like she has someone in her corner against those who may be trying to diminish or disrespect her. Of course, encourage her to do these things for herself, too.
4. Stand by her choices
It’s always difficult to see a friend make choices you probably wouldn’t have made yourself — and it’s even worse when she doesn’t follow your advice. Keep in mind, though, that your friends may not be coming from the same place as you — they have different likes, dislikes, life experiences, goals and fears. Certainly, warn against toxic or negative behaviors and give your best advice; but when it comes down to it, simply try to do your best to support her. Your friend will probably need you the most when she perhaps isn’t making the best choices. So even if it’s at a distance, remain there for her as much as you can. Sometimes, no one can tell her enough times not to fall for that slimy f*ckboy — you just have to let her do it and let her learn for herself. Other times she won’t realize that orange truly isn’t her color — until she sees the pictures later. Support your friends to the best of your ability, and try not to say “I told you so.”
5. Be honest
You’ll actually be hurting your relationships in the long run if you’re too afraid of confrontation, awkwardness and conflict. My best friends in the world are always the first to call me on my sh*t. Although I don’t always respond well, I’m always grateful that they love me enough to put themselves in an uncomfortable situation. Of course, approach touchy topics compassionately and use “I statements” thoughtfully. Make sure your intentions are pure, but don’t let something fester if it’s bothering you. You’ll end up ranting to another friend about it, and feel guilty for gossiping afterwards. The issue remains unsolved, and you’re still upset, annoyed or angry. Make time to grab coffee with your friend and talk it out. Your friendship will survive and will be stronger because of it.
6. Don’t compare yourself to your friends
As women, we’ve been trained since young ages to calculate our worth based on how we measure up against other women. As a result, we are made to believe that those who are actually our greatest allies are our competitors. This is false, epecially when it comes to your friends. It’s your job to check yourself when you notice comparative thinking or behavior. Your friend’s amazing new internship, killer legs, perfect family or trendy wardrobe have nothing to do with your career, body, family or fashion sense. Two women can be talented, accomplished and beautiful at the same time. Defy the idea that you’re in a competition, no matter how hard it may be. It’s in the best interest of your friendship and your own self-esteem to not entertain this toxic mindset. You’ve worked hard to cultivate your friendships — the last thing you need are arbitrary, destructive social constructs tearing you two apart. You are both special, important, brave and beautiful as individuals — celebrate that, compliment each other, and mean it. Prove Instagram trolls and ignorant dudes wrong: women are not “catty,” they’re each other’s biggest fans.
7. Express gratitude
It never hurts to reach out to a friend and tell them just how much you appreciate them. You don’t need a special occasion to shoot an “I just wanted to say I love you” text. Maybe it was a midterm or maybe it was a bikini wax, in any case, it’s important to tell them how much their support helped you through a difficult time. Let them know how much you love your Netflix-and-snuggle seshes and your mid-party bathroom floor talks. Tell or show them often that your relationship means the world to you and that you are a better human for it.
These interactions, of course, don’t only apply to female friendships; any relationship can benefit from these efforts. However, true support and respect between two women can be unlike any other; they can be uniquely powerful and exciting. If you are looking for more from your friendships, one great way is to lead by example. Start getting into the habit of showing some real vulnerability and truly putting your whole self into your friendships. If you do, you’ll certainly reap the benefits.