The women in my life have been giving me advice since I first heard the word “love,” and for a while it made sense. But, as I have grown up, I’ve come to realize that the people around me give terrible advice. So, in this article, I would like to set the record straight about a few things I’ve learned about all this “excellent love advice.”
1. “If he’s mean to you, it means he likes you.”
What? Maybe this was true back when we were children, and boys didn’t know how to “express their feelings” yet. But are we really still defending their actions with this phrase now? I would like to think that those boys have matured at least a little bit. Here’s the fact: if a guy is into you, he will make sure that you know – and it won’t be by pulling your braids or putting worms in your lunch.
2. “When the right person comes along, you’ll just know.”
Wrong. He is always going to be “The One” until he’s not. Everyone enters relationships thinking and hoping that this one will be it, but no one can ever know for sure. All we can do is decide to love another person and pray to God that that person will love us back.
3. “Your standards are too high; you can’t expect so much.”
I heard this so many times growing up because I never had that many boyfriends, and I almost started to believe it. But then I found my integrity and decided that I was not going to settle for less than I deserve. I believe with my entire being that I will find someone someday who lives up to every single one of my expectations. Never let anyone make you feel like you are hard to love.
4. “Play hard to get; you don’t want to seem ‘easy’.”
Guys need to know that they have at least some sort of chance with you or they will move on to a more available person. Honestly, I think we all just need to learn to be more clear with our actions. If you’re into him, tell him. If you’re not, tell him. If we all do it, this love thing might just get a little less difficult.
5. “If you love someone, let them go.”
No! If you love someone, you fight for them! No matter our gender or our age or any other difference we may have, we all have one thing in common: everyone wants to feel wanted. If you feel like the person you love is slipping away, make them see all the reasons to stay; make them understand how much you love and need them. Don’t ever just let them walk away, because that’s what they’ll remember about you most.
6. “Give me/him another chance.”
Once a ______, always a _______ (you can fill in the blank with whatever works for you). As much as the movies would like us to believe it, people cannot change who they are all that much. “It was a mistake” should not be an acceptable excuse, and we should have more respect for ourselves than to allow ourselves to be betrayed again.
7. “All you need is love.”
As much as the hopeless romantic in me would love to believe this is true, I have learned that it takes more than love to create a healthy relationship with another person. Honesty, trust, and stability (among many other things) are essential in building a life with your partner. It will not always be hearts and flowers; when the “honeymoon stage” ends, what do you want to be left with?