It is my sincere hope that you have seen “The Switch” and get the reference below. If you haven’t stop reading this immediately and go watch it. Seriously. It’s amazing. But I digress. What I really want to talk about is not this incredible film, but the conversation I have had 698698697907907 times in the last month, with 70970969696969 different people. It goes a little something like this:
Wally: Do you want to tell me about your [post-grad plans]?
Sebastian: Why… [no]
Wally: Because you’re a [second semester senior] and [I can’t think of anything] else to talk about.
Of course, there are countless variations of this conversation, but this is generally how it goes. Now, if you are like me and don’t have your entire life mapped out, or at least the next six months mapped out to the point of where you are going to put your furniture in your new apartment, this exchange is often followed by one of three things:
- An awkward silence
- A load of bullsh*t (also known as a vague description or list of possible jobs)
- An awkward silence while you try to come up with a vague bullsh*t answer
Not one of these options is pleasant. Not for you and not for the person receiving either of these outcomes (aka the nosy butthead who began this painful conversation). Which brings me to my next request:
STOP ASKING ME THIS QUESTION.FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,I AM BEGGING YOU.
Like do you really want to hear my prepared BS spiel or whatever I come up with in the awkward silence that follows you asking me this?
I don’t think you do.
Listen, I don’t have my entire life mapped out. I know I’m a second semester senior, and so for you (whoever you are) maybe that means I should, but I don’t.
I don’t know where I’m going to be in 3 months, or 4 months, or five or six. I don’t know what job I’ll have, or even what job I want to have. I’m still figuring that out, and that’s okay. I’m okay. But also, I’m not.
I’m scared to death about my next chapter. I’m terrified of uncertainty. I feel lost, and guilty for feeling lost, because theoretically I had four years to figure things out and create a solid life plan, and being asked this question only increases the fear, anxiety, and guilt.
AKA YOU ASKING ME IS NOT HELPING
So for those of you who ask this question, or are about to:
Please stop and think. If you were me, if you were about to leave your comfort zone, your for-the-last-four-years home, you’re friends, and uproot the life you’ve built as a student, how would it feel to constantly be asked “So what is your life plan?”
Not so good right?
For those of you being asked this question:
It’s okay. It’s okay not to have a plan. You have one semester left ENJOY IT! Go to class, get whatever you can out of the little time you have left here, and don’t feel like you need to have everything planned out. It’s okay to be a little lost, or at the very least to feel that way.
Isn’t it John Lennon who said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans?”. I don’t know, I think so, but feel free to use that quote as an answer when people ask you. Feel free to tell them that you could have the best laid out plan, and it might not matter a month from now. Things change.
If that’s too long for you, answer with this: “I’m Pausing.”
In Katherine Schwarzenegger’s book I Just Graduated…Now What? She promises this answer will be the end of this endlessly annoying conversation. She says most people are too surprised or confused to continue to badger you about your life plan.
She also reminds us that it’s okay not to have all the answers. That we need to reflect, to take time and figure out what we love. Living life on fast-forward isn’t a happy road. We need time. We need reflection. We need to be free from this insane pressure to have everything figured out at age 21.
So please, let us be free. Stop asking us what we’re doing, and talk to us about how we’re feeling. Be there for us while we figure things out. Offer advice but don’t be preachy. I promise your support is what’s going to help us figure our lives out, and we will figure them out, so long as you support us while we do it.