I’m sure many of you have heard ex-girlfriend horror stories—she won’t stop texting her ex post-breakup, she gives him the silent treatment, she’s instantly jealous of any new girl that comes into his life, immediately stalks her on social media, and constantly wonders what makes her so special. Thoughts relentlessly whirl through her mind—Was I too clingy? Was I not caring or loving enough? How come he gets to move on and be happy, and I don’t? These thoughts are torturous, and they can be extremely difficult to push out of one’s brain. What I have found over time, however, is that specific actions & thoughts like these are completely rational.
When dating my previous boyfriend, I heard about his past relationship, and I came to the conclusion that his ex-girlfriend was “crazy,” due to stalking me on social media, persistently asking my now ex-boyfriend about me, and giving me lingering stares whenever we crossed paths on campus. I was very intimidated by her; I complained to my family and friends about her, and sometimes I even had dreams that she would try to sabotage our relationship—she was a constant threat. I never understood why she couldn’t just accept the fact that her ex-boyfriend was now with me, and she needed to grow up and get over it.
However, my opinion of her and “crazy” ex-girlfriends in general significantly shifted after my ex and I broke up. The first few months after our relationship ended, I was obviously very upset & distraught. I tried to get back together with him at a party, I immediately looked for signs to indicate whether or not he was seeing someone else (which I just recently discovered, he is) I obsessively thought about what I could have done to maintain our relationship, and whenever I texted him, I secretly hoped he would tell me he missed me and that he made a mistake. I had become the “crazy” ex-girlfriend who refused to “get over” her ex, and who teared up at the thought that he found someone “better.”
But what I’ve come to realize is that maybe “crazy” is actually quite sane. At first glance, “crazy ex-girlfriends” can be intimidating and perhaps somewhat threatening, but in reality, they are probably still hurting, and are trying to learn how to handle their emotions as best they can. They can’t help how they feel, and perhaps they believe it is easier to cope with their grief by playing detective—they are desperately trying to comprehend if or why their ex is moving on, and if he has, why the new girl is different from or better than her.
It’s not crazy to feel sad at the thought of a significant other moving on to someone new. It’s not crazy to be jealous, and it’s certainly not crazy to be heartbroken.
Don’t be the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Be the Proud Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – it just means you are human.