Take a minute and think about every piece of knowledge that’s floating around your brain right now. Crazy, right? Now ignore the majority of it that, which, let’s be honest, is song lyrics. You’re left with long lists of vocab ready to be regurgitated for a final, random facts from the internet, and all the things you know about or how to do. How many of those are actually pretty ridiculous? Well, a fair amount of ‘common sense’ we as collegiettes are expected to just know have to do with staying safe when walking alone at night, combat society’s standards of beauty, and be one hundred times more careful at parties. Why do we still live in a world where we have to know these things?
1. I know that when I’m walking alone and it’s even slightly dark to hold my car key between my knuckles for self-defense.
I’ve been doing it so long, I no longer hold my keys any other way. However, I kind of doubt whether I’d actually be able to fend someone off with a thirteen-year-old key white-knuckled in my tiny fist. Regardless, it makes me feel safer.
Note: I would highly recommend also carrying pepper-spray.
2. I know how to sprint in heels without snapping an ankle.
This largely came from several years of musical theatre and the absurdity of the footwear that we had to dance in. Having less than a full scene for a costume change makes for some terrifying sprints back to the stage. Even if you haven’t done theatre, trying to escape the weather for a formal event or being chronically late to everything can also force you to qualify for heeled track and field.
3. I know that my chances of being sexually assaulted during college are far too high.
Which is 1 in 4 or 5 women, depending on the source. Think of your close group of friends. Out of the 5 of you, 1 will be sexually assaulted during your college careers. With this statistic looming over us, it’s no wonder women won’t go anywhere, even the bathroom, alone.
4. I know exactly how to contort my body for pictures to look “good” by societal standards.
Shoulders front and hips tilted to slim down my waistline and resisting the urge to skinny-arm because no matter how cliché it is, it does wonders on arms, *takes a breath and wipes forehead* I’m finally ready for my close up. My muscles are aching and my smile is plastered over gritted teeth and discomfort but damn I look good. I’m still waiting for the day when awkward candids are ‘in’.
5. I know how to change clothes, do my hair, and apply makeup in a moving car while remaining safely buckled.
From dancing in high school to joining a sorority in college, I’ve had to master many quick changes while en route. It’s a key factor in time management but it’s definitely not the most comfortable way to get ready.
6. I know that lockable underwear exists.
Enough said.
There isn’t enough paper in the world to list all the strange facts we know that we could probably do without. But some of them are important to know in order to stay safe in an ever-changing world. My hope is to that one day women are’t expected to hold some of the previous facts in our heads.