Many of us have probably been cheated on. It’s disrespectful and humiliating, and it’s entirely justifiable to be mad at your cheating significant other and the other woman. But, taking it out on the third party because you’re angry is not the right approach.
This scenario is typically reminiscent of heterosexual couples, but it certainly applies to all couples in any type of relationship where there is a promise of commitment.
The scene usually goes like this, as portrayed by media:
You’re mad, angry, and frustrated because your partner cheated on you. You’re probably sad and obsessing over the other woman.
You may be looking up and down her Instagram feed, judging every photo and every comment.
You end up reaching an unsavory conclusion:: “She looks like such a s**t.”
If you’re with friends, they jump on board and call the other woman a variety of colorful names.
This behavior is generally socially acceptable. It shouldn’t be.
Being cheated on is a frustrating and unhealthy way to lose a relationship, and usually, we may focus that frustration on the other person instead of our partner. However, tearing down the other woman’s (or any woman, for that matter) standing based on assumptions and your own anger is wrong. Most of the times this leads to presume that “the other woman’s” sexual history is a promiscuous one. One might even assume that she has been in that position before; she has probably “broken” other relationships. Even if this is true or not, a person’s sexual history is not relevant to the situation nor is it a measure of their caliber as a human being.
And, there is nothing wrong with being promiscuous (as long as you’re safe!).
Judging a woman by her sexual history is not only an ignorant thing to do, but it is also a sample of chauvinistic attitude. Women have as much right as anyone to be confident in their sexuality. Lowering the person your SO cheated on you with to a “s**t” makes you complicit in a behavioral pattern that looks to debase women if “they’ve been with one person too many”–and you can’t be with too many people. The amount of people you have been in a consensual sexual relationship with is a completely personal decision.
The other woman was not in the right, but neither was your SO. There are two possibilities: either she knew that your (ex)partner was in a relationship or she didn’t. In case 1, yes, she did exhibit uncouth and just plain rude behavior. In case 2, she was unknowing of the real situation to which your SO was bringing her into. Either way, your SO is guilty. You need two people to cheat. The fact that your SO cheated is a bigger sign of an unhealthy relationship than another person’s involvement.
So remember, the other woman didn’t seduce your SO into cheating; it could have been the other way around. Your significant other chose to bring a third person into the relationship. It doesn’t change that your SO cheated. The fact is that it happened. Even so, it doesn’t matter who started what. S**t-shaming this third party is a demeaning attitude. Calling the other woman this kind of slur or any expression like that, brings you down to the chauvinist level that people are trying to actively get rid of.
In the end, it’s understandable that you might harbor strong feelings towards the person you were cheated on with, but you should not take that moment to be so quick to judge other women. Whether we’ve been there or not, we’re women. We shouldn’t s**t-shame each other (or anyone for that matter), and we shouldn’t tear each other down.
Image Source: Daisy Natives
Disclaimer: This article is based on the author’s general experience with the media and with personal situations.