This title may not make me the most popular writer around, but some things just need to be said.
Once we all graduate high school and have the summer of our teenage lives, we have reached a point where moving on is a viable option. Don’t get me wrong… there are some individuals who can break the mold and live happily ever after with their high school sweetheart. Props to those people. Good for you. However, most of us don’t have the experience of seeing “forever” in the eyes of someone from high school. And, guess what? That’s okay. It is more than okay. Fortunately, for the rest of us, college is a brand new start.
So, here are the top real and not-so-for-real reasons you shouldn’t come to college in a serious relationship (according to the girl who still doesn’t have everything figured out).
1. You’re not mature enough.
Point blank. At a fresh 18 years old, most of us aren’t mature enough to have a serious relationship that could survive the rough waters of college. As you obviously know, 18 isn’t even old enough to drink alcohol legally and responsibly (I know your frat-party-going self might disagree). Not to mention, alcohol comes with a lot less responsibility than the work of a relationship.
2. Relationships are hard work.
College is hard work. Life is hard work. College and life together are hard work. Add coming to a brand new city with the same stress of your high school relationship to the list… more hard work. But, college isn’t meant to be only hard work. It’s meant to be fun. It’s meant for you to learn who you are and who you’re not on your own.
3. You need to grow on your own.
Up until the nerve-racking, yet exciting, day of moving into your dorm, you basically did the same thing as all of your high school friends. Not to ever negate the importance of your friends from high school and your high school boyfriend, but some things we need to do on our own. Sometimes, we will never find our way in the world with someone else tying us down; you need to do it by yourself. And, in return, life will reward your courage.
4. There are other fish in the sea.
However cliché this may sound to you, it’s completely true. I can remember lying in bed awake at night in my uncomfortable, dorm room bed wondering if my high school boyfriend was up thinking about me. Let’s be honest, he probably wasn’t. He knew there were other fish in the sea. And, there are. Give yourself a chance to discover what you do and don’t like. Give yourself the opportunity to make out and dirty dance at frat parties in that gross basement as much as you want. Because you’re allowed.
5. You have no one to answer to but yourself.
College is sometimes the platform for making bad decisions. It is arguably the time in your life where you experience the most growth in the shortest amount of time. I mean seriously, I can remember how I did my makeup when I was nineteen (and thank YouTube I experienced growth in that aspect). The point is, you can do whatever you want, when you want (not to say you can’t do that when you’re in a relationship) and you have no one to answer to. You are your own boss for the first time in eighteen years, and you should be taking advantage of what you are capable of doing when you’re the only person who can tell you “NO.”
6. Siamese twins.
You will either have to go to the same party as your significant other, or go to none at all. Have fun trying to convince your boyfriend/girlfriend that every adolescent 18-year–old doesn’t have the same thing on their drunken brains. Hint: it starts with “s” and ends with “ex.”
7. Long distance relationship?
Have fun FaceTiming your boo on the weekends when the rest of your friends are living it up. That sounds like a blast. I’m sure you won’t feel left out at all when you’re brunching it up with your friends on Sunday morning and you have nothing to contribute.
8. No “girl time.”
The best thing about college is truly all the girlfriends you meet. These girls will absolutely be FRIENDS FOR LIFE. When you come to college in a serious romantic relationship, you may really miss out on all the wine nights that make these the new most important people in your life. Just remember, these don’t happen nearly as often as you like when this phase of your life ends.
Even if you do come to college with a serious relationship, know that it is not wrong to do so; there is no right or wrong answer in this regard. It’s your life and what you do with it is up to you.
However, I can honestly say my time in college has not been consumed with anyone but myself. I found myself thriving when my friends weren’t, because their relationships were holding them back.
If any of these points resonated with you (serious or not), I encourage you to examine what the next four years of your life may look like if you neglect becoming the person you want to be. As well as focusing on myself, I was able to make the most lasting friendships of my entire life by not focusing all my energy on a romantic relationship. And at twenty-two, I thank myself for this the most.