Crushes can be obsession, or lust, cleverly masked as love. They’re exciting and fun. You may try to keep it a secret, when the real secret is how hard you fight the urge to tell the world. It’s easy to believe you’ve gone insane. How could love exist with the possibility that your crush might not even feel the same way? Yet that idea of “what can be” is exhilarating. Then it all comes to halt, the realization of unreciprocated feelings results in an end to that fantasy. Sometimes the idea of what could have been is most often more powerful than the reality of what it actually was. Whether that crush is a long-time friend, a co-worker, or a stranger from your daily commute, a breakup from this fantasy (or real relationship) will make your feelings seem futile and insignificant.
Unrequited love may be a plot point in a favorite RomCom, but in reality can seem unbearable. Accepting when someone tells you they no longer feel the same way or never did is hard. It hurts. The embarrassment of being so blind to the reality of the situation leave you wondering how you ever got there in the first place. Don’t dwell on the idea that a breakup meant more than what it really was. Sometimes the timing isn’t right, or people may be in search of something different in their lives. It doesn’t mean that you are no longer lovable or somehow broken inside. It never meant that, and you should never think of yourself as lesser.
Stop placing your crush on an untouchable pedestal. When the person on that high and mighty pedestal suddenly vanishes from your existence, it’ll seem like you’ve suddenly lost something irreplaceable. You’ll be fine without them, trust me. They are just a person with flaws like everyone else.
The problem with a faltering love is that it’s difficult to see it coming. It takes so long to take on a recognizable shape. It creeps into a relationship without raising too many blaring red flags. Don’t trying to pretend it’s not happening, only later realizing you’ve missed what was so clearly evident: an end. Unrequited love now stands in its place. Staying in bed all day to binge watch Netflix or regretfully joining tinder, won’t help. Neither will stalking an ex on social media or investigating that new person who keeps appearing in their pictures on Instagram. Leave the past where it belongs. As the wise Professor Dumbledore once said, “numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.” The ability to remove ourselves from a situation can be done physically as well as mentally, so stop all the self-criticism for allowing yourself to go along with a broken relationship for so long.
As college students, there is so much we have to deal with. Taking a moment for yourself isn’t an unrealistic notion. Self-care sounds easy, but the solution may be an incredibly long struggle. Life is short, grab a moment for yourself when you can.
Once your emotions settle down from getting your heart broken, self- help can be pretty great. Ending the self criticism and “treating yo’self” may not be the easiest fix. There are no quick answers or magic potions that will cure the heart ache. It does allows for acceptance and, eventually, closure. The kind of closure that allows you to finally focus on your needs and your desires. Love is sometimes seen as a risk to many cynics because of the lingering fear that it won’t work out. Think about it. What if it does? Focus on loving yourself, and the rest will follow.