Okay, collegiettes. Since this week’s theme here at HC UCSB is things girls don’t talk about…but really want to talk about, I decided to bring up a topic I’ve always been too scared to bring up: orgasms. More specifically, orgasming at the same time as your partner during sex.
GIF via Bustle
Before my first time, I always assumed that sex was the way it was portrayed in saucy television scenes and movies. That is, a lot of passionate kissing, romantic moaning, and the grand finale would result in both of us getting our big Os.
That, as you can imagine, was definitely not the case.
In fact, even after getting comfortable with my first long term sexual partner – my current boyfriend – it took quite a while for me to reach my climax. Sex, for the vast majority of the time, felt good, but usually ended with my boyfriend orgasming first and me left like, “okay…cool [insert dark moon face emoji here.]” OR sometimes the opposite would happen, and I would orgasm first, and essentially say to my boyfriend, “alright, I think we’re done here.”
Both of these situations were equally frustrating for me, however. It just really felt like my boyfriend and I could never get on the same page, and sometimes left me questioning whether or not we were “compatible” in bed.
Within any healthy sexual relationship, you want to make yourself feel good and make sure that you’re making your partner feels just as good. We were both making each other feel good, but the full satisfaction wasn’t there because I always felt there was something missing.
This brings up two problems: 1) even though we know media portrayals of sex (and so many other things) are bogus, they still have a profound effect on our expectations in bed, and 2) somewhere along the way, we’ve gotten the idea that if things aren’t perfect in the bedroom, it’s a bigger reflection on your relationship as a whole.
Well, I’m here to call BS. Sex is an important component to a relationship, but it’s also just that: one piece of the puzzle that fits into many others. The base of your relationship shouldn’t revolve around sex, and, plus, sex is something that you can practice and work on together. It’s a learning experience for both partners, and there’s no reason you should feel discouraged if you have mismatched timetables for reaching your Os.
The beauty of healthy sexual relationships is that you and your partner can give each other the time to get to know your own and each other’s bodies. You can encourage one another to try new things and explore what works and what doesn’t. Take the time to figure each other out. Soon enough, you’ll find tempos and tricks that help leave you both satisfied, and, who knows, you might even stumble upon a rhythm that leads to both of you reaching that electric O at the same time.
I know I did.