Age: 18
Hometown: Cranford, NJ
Major: Applied Mathematics
In your circle of friends back home, you were known as the…: politically opinionated one. I spent several days arguing with my junior year history teacher about healthcare but gave up when he didn’t know what SCHIP was.
Has that changed at all coming to college?: Not really. If anything, I’ve become more confident in my views since I got here.
I hear you’re quite the misanthropist, care to share why?: A poll was done recently that found 46% of Mississippi Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal versus 40% who think it should be legal. How can you have faith in humanity after hearing something like that?
In that case, what does YOUR ideal world look like?: Hm. Eisenhower’s tax code, Dutch drug policy, Sweden’s prison system, South Korea’s education system and technological infrastructure, France’s healthcare, Italy’s food and England’s culture. Those last two are pretty superfluous.
Speaking of worlds, there’s a book called The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom that says each person has their own version of what Heaven is like. So, what would Heaven look like for you?: I’ve always thought the idea of eternal salvation is incredibly far-fetched so I never gave it much thought. I guess heaven would be somewhere I can be with my friends and smoke hookah.
Your famous last words, what would they be?: “O, I am slain!” I wouldn’t want there to be any ambiguity.
What would you title your autobiography?: “Well Shoot, I Sure Hope Nothing Significant Happens in My Life After This”.
Pretend that planes were never invented. You want to go across Lake Michigan to Canada on vacation, how would you do it?: Lake Michigan doesn’t even border Canada. My ancestors were actually Canadian illegal immigrants and I’m pretty sure they never had to get across Lake Michigan. A boat seems like a viable option, though.
Something you wish had been invented: Copy and paste outside of computers. If I could just drag my finger across a note I’d written and then “paste” it on another sheet of paper that’d be very convenient.
Where, in your opinion, is the future of technology going?: I recently saw a video of an android app that’s not on the market that can momentarily jam ID card-scanning locks. I really hope it looks something like that. I could get into any dorm without having to have someone sign me in!
Anything we need to worry about?: The Matrix. No big deal. Also, Iran siding with the robots just because it’s not Zion. That was really nerdy, I’m sorry.
Alright, last question. If we gave you your own column in a newspaper/magazine, what would it be called?: “Conscience of a Misanthrope?” That was really lame. I can’t think of anything else, though.