College is all about new experiences, such as living with a complete stranger. As you wait to find out who it is, you keep your fingers and toes crossed that they’ll be the perfect match for you, and in the first couple of weeks, it seems to be that way. However, as you get swept up finding your balance in an unfamiliar school and social setting, you soon realize that your roommate isn’t the movie perfect match like you thought. When that feeling hits, it’s important to sit down with your roommate(s) to discuss and write down rules to help prevent having ugly disagreements later. Here are four rules you should establish with your roomie:
1. How Late are Friends Allowed to Stay?
Most of you will learn early on that you and your roommate have different ideas when it is time to stop socializing and start winding down for the night- this happens to anyone who has lived in a dorm. Here is the bottom line: no matter how hard you two try, you may not agree. Before you panic, there is a solution. Set your time when quiet hours start in your dormitory. By using the quiet hours already set up, it will avoid the possible, “Well, we agreed on this time, but I am sure she will let it go THIS time,” and this one time turns into many times of your roommate pushing the limit. However, if your roommate still struggles with following the quiet hours, just remind her that she can hang out in the common area of the dorm with her friends, which is also has way more room. There should be no complaints there! If that doesn’t work, you can consult your residential advisor. Your roommate may not like you for reporting her, but you get your point across and this is your home base as well—make it as comfortable as you can for yourself. So remember, when deciding on how late friends should stay, choose the time already established by the student housing committee, and speak up if your roommate doesn’t follow it!
2. Are You Going to Follow the Long-Honored Code of “Always Sharing”?
When my friend’s sister headed off to college, I heard about how her roommate just decided to wear whatever was in my friend’s sisters’ closest, and get this- she didn’t even ask if she could. Yikes! This story led to an important lesson about girls: we either have no problem with sharing or we do have a problem with sharing. It’s important to establish your boundaries with your roommate. If you’re fine with her using whatever she wants of yours, then let her know. If you aren’t fine with her using whatever she wants of yours, then let her know. It also doesn’t have to be everything you own, you can just choose to share certain items, but let her know specifically which ones are available to share. The key is to just to let her know so you don’t get an unexpected surprise!
3. Where to Take Phone Calls?
There’s nothing more irritating when you’re doing homework, writing a paper or pre-lab, or studying for an exam, and your roommate is gabbing it up on the phone. Yes, it’s okay to feel irritated, even if they’re on the phone with their family. The point is that they’re creating noise in an environment that should be able to be used as a study space. Of course, there’ll be times when you don’t mind if they’re chattering way. To avoid the possibility of being annoyed when trying to be productive, you should establish what you consider appropriate times to be making phone calls in the room. The most important part about including this in your rules is that your roommate is aware that you might not want to always hear her phone calls so she knows to be respectful and ask. Yay for respectful roommates!
4. Overnight Guests
Freshman year is an exciting and difficult year, and you might need your friends from home. So, when your friend from home calls you up to ask when it will be a good time for her to visit, you’ll be freaking out, which may lead to you forgetting that you should ask your roomie if it’s okay that you have guest. It’s important to ask this, since you’re already sharing a small space but she might not be comfortable with having another person, possibly a stranger, in the room. Your roommate could have a paper due or a midterm to study for so she may not appreciate the distraction. You should establish whether friends are allowed to stay the night.
Another part of overnight guests involves boys, and boys can either be long-term or for the night. As much as sex lives should be kept private, nothing is very private in confined dorm quarters. You two should be upfront with each other on your feelings about this and be respectful since everyone has different values regarding this aspect of life. If you are disagreeing about it, the best course of action is to bring in your residential advisor to help you establish the boundaries regarding having boys as overnight guests.