Timing is everything. It can make or break success, love, and friendships. We can plan for days and prepare for months but if the timing is wrong, all our efforts will have been for nothing. Or so I have been told.
In this day and age, clocks are everywhere. On a global scale, one of the most commonly asked questions is, “What is the time?” In my personal experience, I have noticed that I tend to turn my phone on for the sole purpose of checking the time. It is a strange habit, but almost everyone does it. Time is particularly prominent and relevant in Western societies; for whatever reason, we have become obsessed with keeping track of the time.
I am a planner, but I am also a big believer in letting things happen naturally. I love spontaneity as much as consistency. Even as a child, I never believed in fate or destiny, and these were concepts that I only became familiar with through Greek and Roman mythology. To be frank, life shouldn’t be measured by where the hands of a clock are located or what is displayed on the lock screen of our smartphones. One of my favourite quotes about time comes from Mitch Albom’s brilliant novel, The Time Keeper: “When you are measuring life, you are not living it.”
Thought provoking, eh?
I am single in a group of non-single girlfriends. Ironically, many of them come to me for relationship advice. Let me explain why this is ironic. I have never been in a relationship—no boyfriends, no nothing. So, you can imagine why I have difficulty understanding the logic behind my girlfriends who choose to ask me for relationship advice. Wouldn’t it be more reasonable to receive advice from a reliable and credible source? Apparently not.
I do admit that I give great advice on almost everything. I am either incredibly wise and insightful, or full of bullshit. Whatever the case, it has worked for me so far in helping my friends and peers.
Recently, one of my girlfriends came to me for relationship advice. She asked me the million dollar question that I have heard time and time again: “When is right time to tell your significant other that you love them?”
As an avid reader of romance novels, I sympathize completely and understand this particular situation; however, as a person with no experience in the department of relationships, I can only scoff. Unfortunately, this question is not uncommon – almost every girl goes through this at some point. Despite my lack of experience on the subject of relationships, I have quite a bit to say.
Every couple is different.
There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to expressing how you feel. You should never feel pressured to say “I love you” because you think it is the “right” time, or vice versa. The “right” time doesn’t exist. Everyone is different and therefore, everything is done differently. The “right” time should never be dependent on others. If you feel confident and secure about where you are in your relationship, do yourself a favour and say what you have to say to your significant other. That being said, refrain from pulling a Mosby because that can create problems of its own.
Actions speak louder than words.
Sometimes, verbally expressing how we feel can be scary, no one enjoys being in a vulnerable position. I mean, you are putting yourself out there and the response you receive after may not be what you hoped for. Again, we all experience life and its pleasures at completely different speeds. Don’t assume that your significant other is where you are in the relationship—it will only end in disappointment.
For some of us, “I love you” may have lost its value. It happens and unfortunately, it is not a perspective that can easily be changed. Always keep in mind that this perspective is not about you; it is something that your significant other needs to figure out alone. It will be frustrating at times, but patience is key.
Words can lose their value if used too often or too loosely so instead of verbally expressing how you feel, show it. Your body language can express what your words cannot convey; and in the long run, it will do more good than bad.
He doesn’t have to say it first.
For the majority of my middle school and high school career, the general idea and agreement was that the boyfriend should be the one to say “I love you” first. It was a strange concept, but I remember many of my friends strongly agreed with it. Their argument was that if the girlfriend said it first, the boyfriend would feel overwhelmed and the power dynamic in the relationship would change.
Not only is this immature, but it also reinforces traditional gender roles: the man pursuing the woman, the man paying for dates, and etc. In relationships, there must be an equal balance or it will inevitably fail; one party should never feel lesser than the other.
So who cares if he doesn’t say it first? Take the initiative and tell him. If your concern lies behind the possibility of him feeling scared and running away, then he is not only undeserving of you, but he is also too immature to be in a relationship. It is that simple. You should never be apologetic for your feelings, ever.
Follow your heart because that is the only way you will find the “right” time and the perfect time to move forward in the relationship. As Mitch Albom wonderfully put it in his novel, The Time Keeper: “It is never too late or too soon. It is when it is supposed to be.”
Image Sources
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