Times are hard for everyone right now, but keep a special place in your heart for those suffering from mental health issues. In a room of five people, one will be battling anxiety, depression, OCD, bipolar disorder, PTSD or an eating disorder. Now that exam season is here (as well as the Winter blues), it’s hard to navigate your own life, and topping that off with the helplessness of watching a loved one with a psychological condition is excruciating. Here are some ways that you can help your loved ones with mental health issues navigate their lives and their illness.
1. Talking to your loved one is the first step to helping them. If people are like snowflakes, then we all have our own triggers, anxiety and mood disorders that manifest themselves in different ways. This means that you and your loved one can plan during times of wellness to prepare in advance for times of crisis. What do they need during a panic attack? Will being touched make it worst or help ground them? What rituals come with their OCD and what can you do to respect them? Will pointing out an anorexic friend’s progress encourage them to fuel their body or turn them off from eating? When is it time for you to call in backup and contact their health care providers?
2. Brainstorm and explore different tactics to cope together. Going to a new yoga class at the Minto Sports Complex is less scary when there are two of you!
3. Mental illnesses are a notorious barrier to proper housing and nutrition. If your loved one lives on their own, helping them maintain a normal rhythm of life is helpful aplenty. Dealing with practical issues by helping to organize bills, cooking a meal or cleaning a bathroom can go a long way.
4. Don’t try to cure your friend or family member. You cannot and will not rationalize your loved one out of their negative feelings or beliefs. Don’t expect your love, encouragement and devotion to cure your relative or friend, and don’t be disappointed or blame them when they don’t. Mental illnesses are illnesses; you can’t just cheer up someone with depression, and no good comes from telling an anxious friend to clam down. This will create frustration on each side.
5. Give love generously. Be attentive and willing to listen to what they have to say. Make conversations casual, open and easy. You don’t need to offer answers that you don’t have; often a judgement-free environment and a willing ear is helpful enough.
6. You know your friend and you know their needs. What will help? A Girl’s Night Out? A quiet Disney movie marathon at home? Will something as silly as tagging your friend in dog memes on Facebook help them crack a smile, or remind them they’re being thought of and loved? Again, talk with your friend. Ask them what they need. Maybe all they need is a cute cat video a day from you. You can’t do everything, nor will you be expected to.
7. Keep an eye on your loved one. There is no need to babysit them, impose yourself or be overbearing; they’re not children after all. Check on your friends verbally, or via text message if it’s easier for them to reply in writing. Subtle changes in their moods or habits can let you know when something’s up, or when they need a hand.
8. Don’t forget that no matter how hard it is for you to watch your friend fight their battle, it’s harder for them to push through their disorder. Be patient and kind, and take a step back or seek out your own support system if you start feeling the pressure. That being said…
9. Take care of yourself. Supporting a loved one should never come at the price of your wellbeing. This is hard when it comes to family members or a friend that you’d give an arm and a leg for, but you don’t want to burn yourself out. Take time for yourself, and develop coping strategies for challenging behaviours your loved one might exhibit. You have the right to draw lines in the sand, and you should never be scared or threatened. Be open with your loved one about these, as some of these behaviors may be beyond their control, and they may not realize that they’re hurting you. Keeping the lines of communication open to keep you and your loved one is important and will help preserve the friendship that is important to you both.
10. Don’t hesitate to put your friend before your loyalty to them. If a friend is openly expressing suicidal thoughts, bringing them to an emergency room or calling a mental health hotline is not an overreaction, even if they insist that they’re alright. Even if you call unnecessarily, isn’t that better than not calling at all? Any odd is too big when your friend is at risk, and 15% of patients with chronic depression die of suicide. Would you be angry if a friend acted in your best interest because they loved you too much? Maybe, but anger isn’t necessarily permanent.
There’s nothing easy about dealing with mental health issues for anybody involved, and ultimately there’s no universal key to how your friend’s condition should be approached or handled. Keep the lines of communication open, ask your friends what they need from you, use your best judgement, and do what you’ve always done: be a good friend. Also remember that you, as a friend, are part of a support system, but nobody but your friend and their caretaking team should be making decisions about their health. If you need help supporting a loved one with mental health issues, check out these resources in the city or even on campus:
- Crisis Line Ottawa : 613-722-6914 or 1-866-996-0991
- Ottawa Mental Health Crisis Line : 613-722-6914 (available 24 hours a day)
- Royal Ottawa Mental Health Center: 613-722-6521
- The University of Ottawa’s Mental Health and Wellness website
- Student Academic Success Service website
- The University of Ottawa Health Services website