Nine Signs That Winter Session Is (Unfortunately) Over
By Rachel Bangser
Now that add/drop period has ended and you are unfortunately cemented into whatever schedule that, three months ago, you believed to be conducive to your education and/or social life, it’s time to realize that it is no longer winter session.
Still in denial? Here’s nine things to shake you out of your blissful state of academic defiance.
1. You are taking more than one class.
For the month of January, you were a blissful creature of habit – your inoffensive routine of rolling out of bed, possibly still hungover, to your 1:25 marketing class every weekday became a new normal to you. The people in NDB knew you would be there on the daily. You had calculated the most direct route from your apartment to Gore Hall to minimize exposure to the frigid air and maximize the time spent being reacquainted with your pillow pet. But alas, all good things must end.
Welcome to hell, darling, and hell is your 9:30AM calculus class followed by an introductory course in constitutional law every Monday/Wednesday/Friday. Don’t forget about your three-hour night class on Thursday, either! Hooray!
2. You can’t bike the wrong way on Delaware Ave anymore.
Unless you have a death wish, you’re going to have to trek a block up to Main Street. Life is tough. Get a helmet…because goodness knows you’re certainly not wearing one when you’re fifteen minutes late and biking to class.
3. You just got slapped with a jaywalking ticket on North College.
There are only two acceptable circumstances for getting a jaywalking ticket at this university: You’re a freshman, or you have $50 to burn. If the aforementioned categories don’t apply to you, just gather your patience and wait thirty seconds for the light to turn. Your professors will understand – chances are, they’ve gotten stuck behind the Red Hand Of Doom as well.
4. SORORITY GIRLS, SORORITY GIRLS EVERYWHERE.
AHHHHHH.
RECRUITMENT.
CAN’T COMPUTE THE SUDDEN INFLUX OF LONGCHAMP BAGS AND FAKE TANS AROUND CAMPUS.
5. You’re stoked to see the new CampusSpecial coupons.
Hell yes to BOGO burritos. Hell yes to Homegrown discounts. Hell yes to cheap pizza. Hell yes to extreme couponing, starving-college-student style.
6. Your textbooks finally arrived from Chegg.
Five points if they arrived before classes started. Ten points if they got the order right. Don’t pass “go” or collect $200 if you dropped the class before your books came in the mail.
Tip from a senior: Next time, wait until after the first week of classes to order textbooks. You don’t want to find out that the poetry class you were super excited about is actually an inner circle of linguistic purgatory and the fifteen novels you purchased for it are non-refundable.
7. Your parents have stopped their daily inquisition as to whether or not you went to the bar last night.
Over winter session, they wanted to make sure you didn’t become a semi-functioning alcoholic. Now, they know that you have at least minor academic responsibility and can’t possibly go out on a Monday night.
…or can you?
8. THERE’S A LINE AT KATE’S?!?!
Nothing about this is acceptable. Neither is the fact that the line at Timothy’s starts at 8:30. For crying out loud, guys, that’s when classy humans are eating dinner. I didn’t sign up for this nonsense and demand a refund…or at least a $2 pitcher of Yeungling so I can justify freezing my tail off for 45 minutes.
9. The sinking realization that you have three exams during Greek Week.
#doom.