From an inky veil of darkness, the old 1974 Cadillac roared down an abandoned highway. Stars shone as if the sky were merely paper with tiny, controlled perforations. The Cadillac was colored deep purple, like a velvet streak in the night. Trevor gripped the steering wheel tight, his knuckles whitened briefly. Marley held her shirt tight to her body with her arms. She was curled like a cat in the passenger seat. Trevor slammed on the breaks of the old Cadillac. He turned to Marley quickly. His faced was like sandpaper, she couldn’t feel it then, but she remembered the feeling of his scruffy face.
“What do we do, now?” Marley asked him, helpless in her tone of voice yet, with a deeply wondrous look twinkling in her eyes.
Trevor reclined his seat backward, staring down the long, killer road. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and shakily put one to his lips. Everything was spinning. Everything was grey. He had no idea where he had driven. He had no idea how to get home.
“Let’s just,” he began weakly, “let’s just chase the stars. I’ve always wanted to hold a star in my hand and feel it twinkle in the palm of my hand. I suspect that feeling…that feeling would be a nice one.”
“Chasing stars sounds like big responsibility to me, Trevor,” Marley mentioned, “heck, I don’t even feel big enough to chase butterflies.” Trevor lit his cigarette and took a deep and darkened breath. He smiled to himself.
“Butterflies are small stuff, Marley. You’re meant to live in heaven with the almighty himself. You deserve the world. I wish I could hand you the world right in your palm. Would that make you happy?” Trevor asked.
Marley swallowed something in the back of her throat. She opened the passenger door and felt the slightly humid air on her tanned, sun-weathered skin. She looked up toward the star-sprinkled sky. It resembled glitter smeared across black construction paper. The Cadillac was pulled off to the side, placed upon the borderline of the cold dirty asphalt of the road and the green darkened pasture of a black-painted field. She looked into the void and felt an urge to run full speed into it, surrendering herself to it’s mystery and anonymity. Trevor appeared next to her speechlessly, with the lit cigarette hanging from his lips. She was not facing him, she didn’t see him, but she felt his presence behind her.
“It’s dark out,” Marley said in a pseudo-utterance, “I can’t see anything.”
It was frightening for her not knowing, not seeing, but at the same time she was comforted by the silence and the darkness surrounding her. An omniscient solitude so pervasive, it both chilled her to the bone and cradled her lovingly. Trevor snaked his right arm around Marley, and his hand rested comfortably upon her womb. She could feel the burning embers of his smoldering cigarette on the back of her neck. She could feel him huffing, puffing and choking on the smoke he produced.
“Tell me what you are afraid of,” he whispered in her ear, his face hovering somewhere around the nape of her neck. She could almost feel his whiskers on her. She cowered from them. Cowering made her feel right about the whole thing. She broke from him, feeling the hood of the Cadillac bump against her legs. She hoisted her self onto it, her bottom gracefully gliding across the freshly-polished surface. She looked at Trevor, and saw him splashed with starlight. She could swear that he was glowing, as if radioactive. He was slim, with a grey shirt. The sleeves were pulled up around his elbows. His hair was short, brown and messy. His face was a five ’o clock shadow, gruff yet still babyish. His eyes were a deep brown. But she could only see the left side of his body. The right was completely obscured by darkness and for a moment she was under the impression that only the right half was truly present at the moment. The left looked to be submerged in a twilight dimension, lost momentarily. She tilted her head like a confused puppy. Her face was twisted in confusion.
“Do you think I am scared?” she asked him seriously. She sounded offended, but she wasn’t really. She knew that Trevor cared for her and the only reason he asked the question he asked was because he loved her. But she was not weak, and the one person she wanted to know that was Trevor. He stared deep into her eyes, but she did not cower. She did not flinch nor falter. She was strong. He knew that.
“I am just trying to be comforting.” Trevor said to her, his eyes ink spots dispensed by a pen’s point. Marley smiled in his direction. She laid back on the hood of his Cadillac and placed her hands behind her head.
“You are trying too hard.” she said to him bluntly. Trevor puffed out a lower lip and laid on the hood next to her. He could smell her from where he was and her scent resembled peach. Bittersweet.
“You sure are a mean one, Mrs. Grinch.” Trevor said through a bit of a chuckle.
“This kitten’s got claws.” Marley said simply through a smile. They looked up at the sky, glowing in effervescent star-light, and got lost in the heaping bosom of the universe’s infinity. Trevor puffed away on his cigarette.
“I don’t think it would be too hard.” he said simply. Marley looked over at him, her eyebrow was raised curiously. Her brow ruffled with inquisitive timidity.
“You don’t think what would be too hard?” she asked.
“Chasing the stars. I’ll catch you a nice big bright one. I’ll wrestle it to Earth and present it to you in a little box. For our hitching, you know.”
“Instead of a ring? You’re going to get me a huge gaseous celestial thing? I would rather have the ring.”
“Any old guy can get you a ring!” Trevor insisted, “Only a man can catch his fair lady a star. And I’m fixing on catching you a star, darling.”
Marley looked over the field and saw no stars. Only the rolling and smothering unknown. How frightening it looked to her. An abyss that could easily swallow her up, swallow her and everything else. Then perhaps there would finally be some peace and quiet. “Maybe you should just up and punch me in the stomach.” she said, turning to Trevor. Trevor chuckled slightly at what he perceived to be a joke.
“Right. That would solve everything,” he said sarcastically. He pushed himself off the hood of the car and balled his fist up. “You want me to? I will if you want me to.” Trevor said, smirking timidly. Marley slid off the hood of the car, following suit and stood up straight and strong. She ran her fingers over where her uterus would be and looked up at Trevor from under her eyebrows.
“Do it.” she uttered in a muted tone. Trevor’s smirk faded slightly. He frowned with pronounced bravado. Marley looked at him through her slate-grey eyes.
“You think because you’re beautiful you have control over me,” Trevor said, “sure, you got pretty blonde hair. Sure you got nice breasts. Sure you got those pretty grey eyes. But you don’t have no control over me. Not like that.”
“I thought you would do it if I wanted you to,” Marley said to him, “well, I want you to. Punch me right in the stomach. If you don’t, then you probably ain’t a real man.” Trevor felt a muffled electric current of rage shoot up the length of his vertebrae. He felt the urge to go off and sock Marley in the face, maybe just to teach her not to be so mean. But Trevor didn’t have it in him to just haul off and hit a girl, even for educational purposes.
“Nah, I was just fooling. You know that I don’t hit girls, Mrs. Grinch. If you want to find someone to abuse you, you’ll have to find someone other than me.” Trevor said, forcibly calming his anger. Marley stepped away from him, with legs looking loose beneath her.
“You ain’t no man. Look what you have gone and done! Now I know that you ain’t no real man! I’ll have to find another man who is worthy of my affection,” Marley went on, “I didn’t want to have to do this, but I would have to say that it is more your fault than it is mine…”
Trevor felt his blood thickening in his veins. His face flooded with red and sweat beaded on his forehead. His fists tightened in a deadly manner. “Don’t be doing this, Marley. You know I don’t take kindly to this kind of foolery…” Trevor said to her, almost pleading. Marley turned her back to him and shook her bottom in his direction, mercilessly teasing and prodding him.
“A real man would throw my on the hood of that car and punch me right in the stomach and then he would give me a good ride on him. That’s what a real man would do.” Marley said, her voice jarringly terse, and shrill. Trevor found himself hypnotized by the gyrations she made with her buttocks. They were full, just like her chest and he felt a primal urge tugging at his heart. He moved over to her and she spun around, readying herself for the blow that she thought was coming, but Trevor made no move on her. Marley laughed at him and threw a rigid finger in his direction.
“You want to chase stars and you can’t even find the courage to hit a woman? Some man you turned out to be-” she shouted. Trevor threw his hand over her mouth curtly and sealed it shut. She still insisted on talking, but the sounds were muffled by the bottle-cap effect that his hand produced clasped against her face.
“I’m brave enough to chase stars,” Trevor said ruggedly, through his teeth, “I can see that you’re just scared. You’ve always been scared.” Marley pushed him with all her strength and threw Trevor off his balance. He fell to the cold dark street. He didn’t have it in him to resist her force. He didn’t have it in him to push her like she pushed him. Marley wrapped her arms about her womb and curled into a ball on the side of the road. Trevor could hear her breathing start to be come panicked, then weepy. She looked up at him with eyes flooded with tears.
“This isn’t your decision!” she shouted, “Stop trying to make me do something I don’t want to do! Stop being there! Stop it! You’re making this much harder than it should be!” Trevor looked at her and saw the stark sincerity in her face. Her face was flooded red and her eyes were also taking on the same hue as they filled with water. She tried holding back the sobs within her. It was to no avail. Trevor was flat, back on the asphalt as he heard Marley begin to cry. He could not take the sound, the sound of ice picks on his eardrums.
“What are you afraid of?” Trevor asked her, not bothering to look up from his flat-out position. Marley appeared over him, hovering off the ground, her face red and slick with moisture.
“I know what you want me to do, Trevor,” she said to him, “I know what you expect. I don’t know if I can bring myself to do what you want me to do.” her hands were firmly planted around her pelvic region and it was something of an incurable tick for her to be massaging it incessantly. “I think I am going to have to disappoint you.” she said finally. Trevor jumped to his feet and planted his hands on her shoulders.
“What are you thinking, Marley?” he asked her. Her fingers began to dig into her stomach like claws. She bit her bottom lip until her teeth started to dig into the skin. Trevor looked down at the gesture. He felt the muscles in his abdomen tighten in fear. He looked back into Marley’s eyes. He saw everything she wanted. He saw blood. He closed his eyes. Perhaps chasing stars wasn’t for him after all. He felt tears well up in his eyes and suddenly saw the world through a bitterly cloudy lenses. Through this, he smiled and Marley was startled. He caressed her face.
“You’re right…” Trevor whispered mutedly, “…this isn’t my decision.” Marley couldn’t hide her sobs. She sniffled incessantly. She threw herself into his embrace and they stood amid the darkness, holding each other as if it were the last time either of them would do such a thing again.
“What is your decision?” Trevor whispered in her ear.
“We need to take care of it.” Marley replied simply. Trevor felt his insides collapse. Everything important, everything beautiful was eviscerated in an instant. He nodded and nodded until he felt as though his head would tumble off his body.
“Alright,” he choked out through a potential sob, “when should we do it?” Marley abruptly stepped away from him, pulling out of his hug, struggling against the force of his grip. Her eyes were inundated at this point, over-flowing with heart-break and despair. Trevor suddenly felt sick. He knew what was coming next.
“Right now,” Marley said, her voice a clipped shriek, her face looking as if it were melting right off her skull. Trevor was dumb-founded.
“Right now?” he repeated, “But how, there aren’t any doctors that would–”
“No, no, no, no,” Marley repeated over and over again, “no doctors, no professionals, no nothing. I need you to do this for me, Trevor. I need you to be the one who does this.” There was a sudden blanket of solitude that was thrown over the both of them. He needed to do this? But how?
“Marley, you need a doctor. I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing! A couple of seconds ago I was blabbering about star chasing!” Trevor said fast. Marley approached him and put her lips upon his. The kiss was brief, which Trevor found irritating, but it was meaningful. Perhaps the most meaningful kiss he had shared with anyone up until that point.
“Why, Marley?” he asked her seriously, “Why are you asking me to do this for you? You know how I feel about this!” Marley put her index finger to Trevor’s lips. She silenced him perfectly. He was powerless against her.
“I need you, Trevor,” she said to him seriously, “I need you now more than ever. I don’t trust no one. I don’t trust my parents, I don’t trust no doctors and I don’t trust no priest. The only one I trust is you and you have to do this for me. Do it because you love me. Do it because I am asking you. Please.” Marley pleaded, her voice becoming weak with the assurance she felt. Trevor settled himself and licked his lips. He had no choice. There was nothing he could to. He leaned into her, kissed her, felt her and then pulled away. He looked deep into her eyes.
“I love you, Marley.” he told her right to her face. She smiled faintly.
“I love you Trevor.” she answered, seeming absolute in her voice. With that, Trevor mustered every ounce of strength he could muster and balled his hand up into a fist. He drew his arm back, his knuckles turning white. As he choked back one final sob, he bore his white-knuckled fist down upon Marley’s womb.