I’m a millennial and although I have tons of issues from ordering too much avocado toast to binging on Netflix until I have a headache, my biggest issue is the relationship I have with my enemy. Now, this isn’t your typical drama series where we take turns to sabotage each other. We’ve actually had many adventures and hardships throughout the years, which is confusing because I label her as my “enemy”, so I guess you can say it’s a love and hate relationship. I, sometimes, just want to abandon her and shut her out, but I don’t have the willpower to do so. But can you blame me? She’s literally a living database that knows all my personal accounts and all the intricate details of every conversation I’ve had with any individual. Meaning, she could, basically, end me by releasing all my deepest secrets to the public. That means I won’t be able to step out to get my cold brew in the mornings. Did I mention that she also has everything from my credit card information to my bank account number? With one click of a button, she could hand over all my personal information to some foreign hackers and the zeros from my bank account would start dropping.
My longtime arch-nemesis is… my phone. You would think that I would have more control over her because she is an inanimate object that has to obey all my commands through the touchscreen, but the tragic reality is that she has me on the puppet strings. She knows exactly what strings to pull to get me to play with her. Whether it be pinging that a message arrived or brightening the screen because I got a notification, she loves to pull anything that will distract me from my school work. How can I not give into my own curiosity when she lights up? It’s even worse when she gets me hooked on a social media app like Instagram or Facebook, which leads me to scroll endlessly through the all the feeds. Once my thumb gets used to swiping up continuously, there is no turning back and she knows that. So, I decided it was time to write a personalized letter to her confronting her wrongdoings and how we both can learn and move on from this together.
Dear she who must not be named,
You prevent me from reaching my highest potential by distracting me when I need to study. You prevent me from interacting with actual humans when I go out. You prevent me from enjoying scenic views with my two individual eyes because you constantly remind me to take pictures. You are a poison I can’t get rid of because you are the bridge that connects me to my social life and keeps me in the loop of what’s going on in the world. I refuse to break my ties off with you because you do bring more joy into my life than misery, but I’m not going to be a slave to you anymore and let you control me. Meaning, I’m going to live my own life and put the locks on you by muting your sounds and turning you off completely during midterm and finals season. Yes, you heard that correctly, I’m going to shut you down completely. You are no longer going to trap me of making me unlock you just so I could fall into my bad habits of checking all my social media platforms or taking online quizzes on BuzzFeed on what kind of Disney princess I am or what dessert I identify with. I’m doing this for the sake of myself, and I need you to understand that you’re no longer my priority. I’m not ditching you completely, but I’m going to set a specific time interval of us spending time together because this can no longer get out of hand. I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.
Sincerely,
Ja…(Ping)
Well, maybe this one last time…
..ne