We’ve been dreading this week for months, attempting to trick our minds into believing that the reading days were actually just generous days off in celebration of a random holiday. In reality, we knew that the days we skipped class because we were too hungover were catching up to us, and catching up to us fast. Procrastination suddenly became our bestest pal, as we sat together bundled up in blankets watching Revenge and Gossip Girl, wasting the time away that we could’ve been using to study for our psychology final.
The only true way to get through finals is quite simple. First, consistently moan and b*tch about how tired and stressed out you are and how loud the screams from your parents disappointment are going to be to anyone who will listen. Make sure to over exaggerate, otherwise your problems will seem miniscule in comparison to the guy whose parents are not going to pay for his car insurance unless he gets a 3.5. Second, make sure to cope with your surmounting stress by eating large amounts of chipotle, JJ’s, and cane’s. No one wants to pity a skinny girl with study issues. Third, take super long inconvenient naps to add on to your anxiety, make sure to sleep past your alarm on multiple occasions. Fourth, anything other than lulus and a sloppy bun are unacceptable. Fifth, stalk everyone on Facebook who has a public profile dating back to circa 2008. If you run out of people, create at least 3 new, unnecessary boards on Pinterest.
In short, my advice to you is to whine louder, eat more, sleep longer, and stalk harder.