As soon as I found out that I could write an article anonymously, I thought I should write one about what it is like going through a Title IX case. Before I reported it, I did my research, and was inundated by phrases like, “emotionally taxing,” and “it can take up to six months.” I could read all of the pamphlets and websites, but nothing prepared me for what was coming. It was almost eight months in between the incident and when I finally decided to report it. The research told me that it had to be within six months to report to Title IX, but in fact it can be reported at any point.
After it happened, I told two friends. At first, I did not think of it as sexual assault, because according to the media, there are three kinds of rape: to a minor, violently in an alleyway, or when you are passed out drunk. When I asked my friend if she liked everything that happened in bed, she said no. I figured that was all it was. My other friend later explained more about it. I knew that if you said no and the other person kept going it was assault, but for some reason I did not want to match what happened to me to that definition.
By the time we had this conversation, we had a few more weeks of school left, and the last thing I wanted to do was stay on campus any longer. If you have been sexually assaulted and feel uncomfortable on campus or in certain parts of campus, this is very normal. So, I finished my finals, and that summer I considered transferring or taking time off. My parents told me to stay for at least 2 years, and if I still wanted to transfer, we would talk about it. I was so serious I started filling out applications and reaching out to admissions of other schools.
My first two months (really my first semester) this year involved a lot of crying. So much so, that at the end of last semester I was hanging out with two of my friends, and they were asking if we have seen the other two crying. I asked the same question and we all burst out laughing.
So I did my research and spoke with a health professional on campus. I told her I wanted to report it, and she gave me information on when to do it. I wanted to do it as soon as possible, because I literally thought it was now or never. I also learned that you can write down the details, which helped because I had never told anybody what happened that night. So I took my best friend with me (I highly recommend doing this) and spoke with a Title IX coordinator. After the meeting, I thought it was hard, but that was the worst, right? Wrong.
A month passed and I did an interview. The last part was nothing compared to the interview. They probably asked me 50 questions, going into every detail of what happened that night. This is probably the worst part. They then ask you for witnesses, and I just felt bad for dragging all these people into it. They interview people who they find would be helpful, and then they go back to you for more questions.
And then there is the waiting. You feel like you are just waiting all of the time. The process takes up to six months, and I am constantly counting down how many weeks until the six months are up. On average, cases take 90 days. Mine has taken around 75, not including Christmas break. I am also constantly regretting my decision to report. On one hand, I stood up for myself and other women. On the other hand, I can not help feeling like I made a mistake one night (going there, not the assault) and now I am paying my entire next year for it.
There is also the constant fear of running into the other people involved in the case. That is a daily stress, constantly checking around the corner to see if anyone is there. When someone walks up to you, you are just expecting them to say something like, “Why did you report it? It was not actually sexually assault. You are lying and ruining his life!” and then losing all of your friends. It is also normal to feel bad for the other person, like “What did I do to him?” The irony is painful.
In case you are thinking that this article is trying to dissuade you from reporting, that is absolutely not the case. If you want to report it, I support any person who does, and it is a brave thing to do. People just severely underestimate how hard it is.