I have apprehensively waited for this to happen for years now. I finally feel that I have burned out; hit rock bottom; and reached a stress level my body cannot handle. Most importantly though I now recognize where I am, and I have learned that my type A personality and drive for perfection is not only making me miserable, but it is not good for my overall health.
My name is Erin and I am in my second year of pharmacy school and, of course, I am also pursuing a business minor. I am what I call a “ride or die” 4.0 student. I have excelled as much outside the classroom as I have academically. In high school, I was the president and captain of everything and have started to take on similar titles on my campus now as well. I graduated as the valedictorian of my class and was accepted into some of the nation’s best schools. I maintained a 4.0 GPA my first year of college while bouncing around from organization to organization and skiing for the school’s club alpine ski team.
That all sounds great, but what no one truly sees are the stress and tears that went behind all of that hard work and self-imposed highest level of expectations. Sure, the accomplishments have felt great, but the countless breakdowns and the high stress of always feeling the need to be the best – to be perfect – sometimes seem to overshadow the achievements.
Starting my fall semester this year, I was smart enough (and realistic enough) to recognize that this may be the semester in which the ring of perfection may not be attainable and perhaps I should not even be leaning out to try and grab it. With three lab sciences (physics, anatomy and physiology, and the dreaded organic chemistry) and an advanced financial management class for my business minor, I knew no matter how hard I studied that a 4.0 may elude me. I also knew some of the clubs and athletics may have to go if I wanted to keep my sanity and have enough time to study for all of my courses. Accepting the fact that I may not be of valedictorian status all my life or may not be the captain of a lacrosse team anymore has been nothing but challenging for me. No matter how much support I receive from family and friends saying that B’s (and yikes even a C) are okay every once awhile and that maybe I could quit that club that is taking up too much of my time–some innate part of me still thinks that 4.0 status is all that is acceptable.
The other day, I picked up an Oprah magazine my mother had bought over Columbus Day break. I always thought Oprah’s magazine was for middle aged to older women who were upset about their jobs and needed advice on their mid-life crises. With Oprah Winfrey beaming on the cover (she never seems to age), I began to flip through the first couple pages. It became evident that the theme of the magazine was the dispensation of advice, and I stopped on one of the earlier pages where there were interviews with some of the authors and photographers featured in the magazine. The questions they were asked focused on advice they had received during their lives.
One of the interviewer’s questions was: “What was the weirdest advice given to you that you found actually worked?” Alexandra Harney, who had written an article in the magazine, indicated that the strangest advice she had received that worked was: “Be average. When you try too hard to be the very best at something, it can backfire and be paralyzing.” I stopped and thought, wow, no one has ever directly said to me, be average. There seems to be a negative stigma associated with being average (at least for me), but being average, or should I say achieving average results, should be okay. For some people, receiving the class average as a grade on an exam is the end of the world. But why should it be bad? What is wrong with average especially if you know you gave it your best effort to get there?
Being average does not mean you should not strive to be your best in every aspect of your life, but if despite your best efforts, you do not come out as the best, it is fine. However, being average does not mean you have to live an average life either. Embrace the things that make you who you are and try things you would have never attempted without the fear of failure and the need to be the best. No one obviously wakes up and says I cannot wait to have an average day, but by not expecting to have an amazing day, every day, you can pick the little things out from your day that may have seemed insignificant at the time but actually were meaningful.
My mother (who gives the best advice and has way more common sense than I will ever have) always told me to live a balanced life. I heard her, but always thought that being a balanced individual meant not just excelling in one area but excelling in every area! Unless you are a professional athlete or striving to win a Nobel Prize in chemistry, you do not need to be the master of anything. I have been trying to be the best at everything I do in my life, and it was honestly starting to cause problems with my health. Having a constantly high stress level is awful for your body. Our bodies are simply not built to maintain high stress levels 24/7.
While we are on the topic of being average, myself along with others need to learn to accept less than the best in others. I know there are thousands of collegiettes out there looking for the perfect boyfriend. But what is wrong with an average guy? He may not fit every piece of criteria you are looking for, but just because he is not six feet tall with blonde hair and blue eyes does not mean that he cannot be a great fit for you. Stop looking for Mr. Perfect because you may just realize the average guy in your calc class will ultimately be perfect for you.
Trying to let go of the idea of always striving to be perfect while realizing there is nothing wrong with being an average student or an average member of a club is obviously a challenge for me. The part of me that only thinks being the best is acceptable needs to take a chill pill and realize that if I give something my best effort and end up with an average result that is perfectly fine and will only lead to a happier and healthier me. I will keep trying to do my best, but if an exam or a lacrosse game does not go as well as I had hoped, I am not going to ruminate on my mistakes. I will learn to use the bad as a life experience and move on. I will find peace in realizing that being average is okay, but I will take pride in knowing I will never lead an average life. I have long ago stopped expecting perfection from those around me, and now far more importantly, I will stop demanding perfection from myself.