For most people with disordered eating habits, binge eating is done in private and results with feelings of shame and even astonishment, when they realize they consumed such large amounts of food. However, binge eating has become a spectacle and money maker for Youtubers.
Mukbangs or online eating broadcasts are when people broadcast themselves eating large quantities of food while interacting with their audience. The viral food sensation originates in South Korea, where popular Mukbangers are rumored to be making up to $10,000 a month for the videos.
American Youtubers have jumped on this delicious opportunity with Trisha Paytas being one of the first Youtubers to create a Mukbang video. I first discovered Trisha Paytas back in high school, when I searched “Hello Kitty haul.” Haul videos were one of my favorite types of YouTube videos to watch. Seeing all of the clothes, shoes, and expensive handbags they bought just in one shopping trip gave me the same high I had when I would go shopping and leave the mall with my hands full of bags, except I did not have to beg my parents for money. I decided to subscribe to Paytas because I was amazed at her ability to spend hundreds of dollars on Hello Kitty decor and and thousands of dollars on Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Versace. After a while, her hauls started to get redundant because she was wasting money on tacky clothes that she’d probably only wear once. But in 2014, she regained my attention when she uploaded her famous Taco Bell haul.
Taco bell has always been one of my favorite fast food restaurants. In the video, Paytas sits on her living room floor and starts out by taking about her love for Taco Bell. “Taco Bell is Taco Bae and I go to Taco Bae every week,” Paytas declared. “It is literally my boyfriend right now.”
Paytas looks into the camera as she introduces each item she bought, before taking a bite and moaning extravagantly. It was like my taste buds were in sync with hers. I could taste the chicken quesadillas she bit into, the tortilla chips she dipped in warm nacho cheese and crunched on. Surprisingly after watching the video, I did not feel hungry or crave Taco Bell.
I experienced the same type of high as I did watching haul videos.
I also felt satisfied and was able to go about my day, not thinking about food. My emotional and binge eating did not become apparent until I reached college. Whenever I felt stressed, I would order a side of mozzarella sticks with my Philly cheesesteak sandwich, cheese fries and medium pop. Whenever I felt lonely, I cheered myself up with two huge slices of pepperoni pizza, chips and a candy bar.
Whenever I did good on a test, I rewarded myself with a celebratory breakfast, an omelette, French toast sticks, a side of bacon and yogurt. My problem became a wake up call during my junior year, when I was forced to wear sweatpants everyday to class and my feet were too swelled to fit into my 9.5 size shoes. That was when I knew my problem was out of control. One year later, I gained an upper hand with my relationship with food.
Living in an apartment, I can now cook my own food, which has helped me lose weight. I also revealed my problem to my therapist. She suggested finding a distracting activity whenever I feel l the desire to run to food. I immediately thought of the Mukbang videos and how seeing strangers gorge themselves of fatty, greasy food put me at ease.
I still have urges to turn to food. But, I know I can satisfy myself and feel full through thousands of strangers on YouTube.