College is a formative time for many LGBT kids, and coming out is often part of the journey. But sometimes even parents that do have the best of intentions miss the mark in terms of reacting to their child’s coming out. There’s a lot of homophobic and transphobic notions society has ingrained in all of us that can make coming to terms difficult. Though I of course cannot and would never claim to speak for all LGBT people, there are quite a few things that many of us want our parents to know when we come out. The following is an open letter to the parents of college-age LGBT kids in regards to our concerns and fears about coming out.
1. We Want To Be Believed
For many of us, it has taken a lot to come to terms with our own identities. We wouldn’t come out if we weren’t sure. It hurts to be doubted when so many of us have struggled to combat our own internalized homophobia to accept ourselves. Even if as a parent you’re blindsided by our coming out, don’t take our past silence as evidence of uncertainty (silence is part of being closeted, after all). We know ourselves better than anyone else, so if we say we’re LGBT, we’re LGBT. We share this part of ourselves with you for a multitude of reasons, and coming out isn’t always easy, so please, please, please just believe us! Remember how much courage it takes to come out.
2. It’s Not a Phase
It’s true that as we continue to discover ourselves, that our identities and labels may change. But that doesn’t mean that how we identify now isn’t valid. We may come out as one thing and realize later on that that isn’t exactly true anymore, and that’s okay. But one thing is for sure, and that is that this isn’t just a phase. Please for the love of all things rainbow, do not hold onto even a single thread of hope that we’ll turn out to be straight or cisgender after all.
3. It’s Not About You
This shouldn’t have to be said, but nothing you did while raising us had the capacity to make us LGBT. And it’s also not a choice, it’s just how we are!
4. Nothing Has To Change
We’re still the same person we were before coming out, and we’re still your child. In fact, you know us more authentically now than ever before. We don’t want to be treated any differently, because we’re not any different from who we were before we came out. The ways in which we relate to each other may change in some ways, but that doesn’t mean our relationship as whole should be any different.
5. Being LGBT Is Beautiful—Not a Burden
As a parent, this probably isn’t how you pictured things turning out. But that doesn’t make the paths our lives are going to take worse than how you imagined. Some things in life may be harder for us, and it’s understandable that you may be concerned, but nothing would be more painful than denying ourselves the ability to live our truths. So don’t ever feel sad that we’re LGBT. It’s safe to say that we wouldn’t trade our identities for any other path—it’s part of what makes us who we are. And being able to be who we are and love who we love is a beautiful thing!
Follow Her Campus @ Geneseo on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.